Learning From Adversity - The Holidays

This year - 2009 - has been a tough year for many people. We all know that the worldwide economic recession has taken a toll on our lives in many ways. Some have lost jobs or businesses. Some have lost homes. Some have been mired in debt. Some have declared bankruptcy. Some have lost some or all of their retirement income. Some have lost opportunities to attend college or university. Many, or most, have had to tighten their financial belts in many ways, giving up luxuries, or some discretionary spending, or perhaps even some necessities like food, shelter, medications or medical treatment. Some marriages or other relationships have been strained to the breaking point. Stress has become a fact of life in many lives, and if not handled well, it has taken a toll on one's health and well-being.

There is a story that circulates in the speaking profession (and I apologize that I cannot remember exactly how it goes or the person to credit for this story) about a boy who had been begging his parents for a long time to buy him a pony, which he wanted more than anything else in the world. The parents repeatedly refused. (They could not afford one.) At the same time, they were constantly pressuring him to clean up his messy room, strewn with so many toys, clothes, and mouldy leftover food snacks that they were constantly repelled and frustrated. But the boy, too, resisted. So, one day, they took drastic measures and filled his room with horse manure, certain that this would force him to clean up his room. When he opened the door to his room, he immediately saw (and smelled) the mess. But instead of being repelled, as his parents expected, his face lit up with a smile, and he said with great excitement, "with all this manure on the floor, there must be a pony in here somewhere!"

This is what I hope we all come to somehow. That we come to understand that underneath all the challenges of this economic mess, there are gifts - valuable gifts, precious gifts - gifts that could change, for the better, the quality of our lives, now and in the future. And that optimism serves us better than pessimism. In the midst of all these challenges, we need to look for the pony. It IS around here somewhere!

For example, we have just come through the Christmas or Hannukah season - the holiday season that puts the biggest strain on our pocketbooks of any other time of year. It is the ultimate "material girl" (or "material boy") time of year. We are lured into spending money a dozen ways to Sunday: gifts, cards, wrappings, decorations, food, drink, new clothes, extra grooming and pampering, parties, travel, entertainments, feasts and festivals.

I have noticed, and I'm sure you have too, that people have scaled back this year. Fewer cards have been sent, and many traditional cards have been replaced by electronic greeting cards and holiday letters. There are fewer lights out there, and therefore less electricity has been used in this rather wasteful way. Fewer people are traveling, preferring to stay home in their smaller family groupings. Gifts, if given at all, have been scaled back - fewer and less expensive. Last year's holiday clothes are being worn again this year. Parties are simplified and perhaps more are of the potluck variety.

While I recognize that cutting back on consumerism could contribute to the downward economic spiral, I also recognize that we, in the USA, have evolved into such a materialistic culture that we have lost our way in many other ways. What we are learning here, in this tough economy, are some important lessons about principles and values.

What lesons have you learned this year?

Here are some things I have learned about these holiday times:

• Our values are coming into sharper focus. We are setting priorities, honoring those, and stripping away some or most of the less important things.
• Family and friends are more precious than anything. They are the true gift of this season (or of any time of year).
• And love is the most precious gift of all.
• The holiday season is filled with non-material pleasures, like singing holiday songs and listening to holiday music, walking in the snow and building snowmen, making a point of visiting with neighbors, friends, and family, being immersed in the spiritual meanings and lessons of the holiday season.
• It is good to shake up traditions - to let go of some things and make room for new ideas, customs, and experiences to enter one's life.
• Simple food shared with friends and loved ones is every bit as delicious and satisfying as sharing fancy gourmet food.
• Last year's (or the past many year's) decorations are enough and just fine.
• That one small gift, chosen thoughtfully and specifically for the recipient, and given with love and caring, is worth more, much more, than a pile of gifts hastily selected under duress and pressure.
• Cards and letters, if sent at all, can be sent at one's leisure, instead of being rushed and hurried. Perhaps they'll even arrive in January after all the hubbub is over and the recipient can truly savor them. And if received, they can be savored for the gifts they are and for the opportunity to connect and catch up with people's lives.
• That giving is pure pleasure, whether or not anything is received in return.
• That in eating and drinking less this year, our figures are in better shape. [I know mine is.]
• That in giving up many of the material and time-consuming demands of the holidays, our stress levels are down. We can actually relax and enjoy the holidays. Imagine that!

And most of all, I have learned that Christmas dreams - if they come from the heart - really can come true. Mine have, and I hope yours have too.