Learning From Adversity - The Holidays

This year - 2009 - has been a tough year for many people. We all know that the worldwide economic recession has taken a toll on our lives in many ways. Some have lost jobs or businesses. Some have lost homes. Some have been mired in debt. Some have declared bankruptcy. Some have lost some or all of their retirement income. Some have lost opportunities to attend college or university. Many, or most, have had to tighten their financial belts in many ways, giving up luxuries, or some discretionary spending, or perhaps even some necessities like food, shelter, medications or medical treatment. Some marriages or other relationships have been strained to the breaking point. Stress has become a fact of life in many lives, and if not handled well, it has taken a toll on one's health and well-being.

There is a story that circulates in the speaking profession (and I apologize that I cannot remember exactly how it goes or the person to credit for this story) about a boy who had been begging his parents for a long time to buy him a pony, which he wanted more than anything else in the world. The parents repeatedly refused. (They could not afford one.) At the same time, they were constantly pressuring him to clean up his messy room, strewn with so many toys, clothes, and mouldy leftover food snacks that they were constantly repelled and frustrated. But the boy, too, resisted. So, one day, they took drastic measures and filled his room with horse manure, certain that this would force him to clean up his room. When he opened the door to his room, he immediately saw (and smelled) the mess. But instead of being repelled, as his parents expected, his face lit up with a smile, and he said with great excitement, "with all this manure on the floor, there must be a pony in here somewhere!"

This is what I hope we all come to somehow. That we come to understand that underneath all the challenges of this economic mess, there are gifts - valuable gifts, precious gifts - gifts that could change, for the better, the quality of our lives, now and in the future. And that optimism serves us better than pessimism. In the midst of all these challenges, we need to look for the pony. It IS around here somewhere!

For example, we have just come through the Christmas or Hannukah season - the holiday season that puts the biggest strain on our pocketbooks of any other time of year. It is the ultimate "material girl" (or "material boy") time of year. We are lured into spending money a dozen ways to Sunday: gifts, cards, wrappings, decorations, food, drink, new clothes, extra grooming and pampering, parties, travel, entertainments, feasts and festivals.

I have noticed, and I'm sure you have too, that people have scaled back this year. Fewer cards have been sent, and many traditional cards have been replaced by electronic greeting cards and holiday letters. There are fewer lights out there, and therefore less electricity has been used in this rather wasteful way. Fewer people are traveling, preferring to stay home in their smaller family groupings. Gifts, if given at all, have been scaled back - fewer and less expensive. Last year's holiday clothes are being worn again this year. Parties are simplified and perhaps more are of the potluck variety.

While I recognize that cutting back on consumerism could contribute to the downward economic spiral, I also recognize that we, in the USA, have evolved into such a materialistic culture that we have lost our way in many other ways. What we are learning here, in this tough economy, are some important lessons about principles and values.

What lesons have you learned this year?

Here are some things I have learned about these holiday times:

• Our values are coming into sharper focus. We are setting priorities, honoring those, and stripping away some or most of the less important things.
• Family and friends are more precious than anything. They are the true gift of this season (or of any time of year).
• And love is the most precious gift of all.
• The holiday season is filled with non-material pleasures, like singing holiday songs and listening to holiday music, walking in the snow and building snowmen, making a point of visiting with neighbors, friends, and family, being immersed in the spiritual meanings and lessons of the holiday season.
• It is good to shake up traditions - to let go of some things and make room for new ideas, customs, and experiences to enter one's life.
• Simple food shared with friends and loved ones is every bit as delicious and satisfying as sharing fancy gourmet food.
• Last year's (or the past many year's) decorations are enough and just fine.
• That one small gift, chosen thoughtfully and specifically for the recipient, and given with love and caring, is worth more, much more, than a pile of gifts hastily selected under duress and pressure.
• Cards and letters, if sent at all, can be sent at one's leisure, instead of being rushed and hurried. Perhaps they'll even arrive in January after all the hubbub is over and the recipient can truly savor them. And if received, they can be savored for the gifts they are and for the opportunity to connect and catch up with people's lives.
• That giving is pure pleasure, whether or not anything is received in return.
• That in eating and drinking less this year, our figures are in better shape. [I know mine is.]
• That in giving up many of the material and time-consuming demands of the holidays, our stress levels are down. We can actually relax and enjoy the holidays. Imagine that!

And most of all, I have learned that Christmas dreams - if they come from the heart - really can come true. Mine have, and I hope yours have too.

Letting Go and Suze Orman

What does letting go of material clutter have to do with creating wealth? Here's what I learned from Suze Orman.

The other day, I picked up and began reading Orman's book The Courage to Be Rich: Creating a Life of Material and Spiritual Abundance (Riverhead Books, 1999, 2002). I didn't get too far into it before I encountered Chapter 3, The Courage to Make Room for More Money. Immediately, Orman began introducing the concept of clearing away material clutter in order to make room for more abundance of every kind, including financial abundance. Because her discussion fits so well with my 365-day Letting Go Experiment, I paid particular attention to this chapter.

Orman talks about how clutter in our lives creates obstacles to financial wealth in a variety of ways:

--First of all, the material things we have purchased that we do not use represent money that was not spent in a carefully considered way - i.e. money wasted.

--Second, the clutter takes up space that could be used for other things. And consider the money that some of us spend to store items that we are not using in a storage facility.

--Third, clutter distracts us from what is important in our lives. And it slows us down.

--Fourth, clutter usually leads to messy financial practices - misplacing bills and not paying them on time, misplacing currency that lies scattered around the house, misplacing or losing important financial documents, not keeping checking, savings, and credit card accounts current and reconciled, not paying attention to credit card rules and terms, not paying attention to investments, or creating and building debt.

Orman proposes a exercise she titles Four Steps Towards Clarity (pp 52-55). Briefly summarized, this letting-go exercise goes as follows:

1. Go through your home, garage, etc. and find at least 25 items that you are willing to throw away - just discard completely. And toss them.

2. Go through your house again looking specifically for money - loose change and bills - that might be lying around, or hidden, or lost. Look in places like drawers, countertops, pants pockets, unused purses, in and under furniture, etc. (I found a $2-bill in an old purse. Orman says that most people end up finding much more than that.) Collect all that you find and put it in one container that you would think of as your jar or bowl of abundance. Place that abundance container near the area where you pay your bills.

3. Go through your house a third time and find 25 more items that you no longer want or use but that are still in good condition. Give those items away to a place or to a person that could really use them and would appreciate them.

4. Go through your house a fourth time and identify all the items that are especially precious to you, things you would never part with. Take time to reflect on these items and appreciate them.

So, embedded in this exercise is a process for letting go of at least 50 material items from your home. If you're not up for releasing 365 items in a year-long exercise, you could easily do this exercise and release 50 in one day. Suze suggests getting your entire household in on the exercise, including the kids.

I like this exercise because Orman takes us beyond the mere act of discarding things by encouraging us to think about how we sometimes waste money by purchasing things that we don't really need or don't serve us well - the clothes that never really fit right or flattered us and just sat in the closet, the food that sat in our refigerators until it spoiled and had to be thrown away, the gadgets that never worked right but we never returned or had repaired, etc. She also encourages us to really appreciate and prize the things that have served us well or are precious reminders of our past or are symbols of things we prize now or aspire to in the future. She teaches us to respect our money by using it wisely and well.

How could clearing out the clutter in your home open up the space for more wealth to flow into your life?

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Email: connie@conniekomack.com
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