Letting Go Experiment: Two Years Later

In June of 2006, I began my Letting Go Experiment - a personal project intended to last for one year. I was curious to see how my life might change if I released 365 "things" from my life - one per day for a year. Mostly, I released material things - household items, clothing, books, magazines, tapes and CD's, office supplies, unopened food packages. But here and there, I also released non-material items: habits, thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, and the like. At the end of the first 365 days, I reported on what I had done.

Then, I decided to extend the experiment. I continued to log everything I released from my life for another four months and again published the results in my blog, Letting Go Experiment: Month 16.

The last entry in my daily Letting-Go Log is dated October 31, 2007. But I find that letting go continues to be both a theme and a practice in my life, two years after I began in June of 2006.

In the months between November 1, 2007 and June 30, 2008, I released the following from my life: a few more household items, a couple more magazine subscriptions, a commercialized celebration of the December holidays, 30 additional pounds of body weight (a total of 45 altogether), an entire wardrobe of clothing, sizes 14 through 22 (I am now a 12), except for a few pieces that were altered, some unproductive eating habits, and some prescription medication. And that's not all.

More important than all of these "things", the most challenging and worthwhile things released from my life during this experiment were non-material - all were forms of thought originating in my mind: limiting beliefs, assumptions and interpretations, negative self-talk, fears, resentments, petty jealousies and other negative emotions, prejudices, unrealistic wants and expectations, unproductive habits and behaviors.

What have I learned from this experiment?

1. I have too much stuff! Yes, even after 2 years of releasing material stuff from my life, I still have more than I need, and my physical space is still more cluttered that I would like it to be. A life of material simplicity is still a goal. Imagine how our resources might expand, or be preserved, if we all had this goal!

2. Letting go of excess material stuff also seems to result in letting go of excess and non-productive non-material thoughts and behaviors as well. This is excellent incentive for continuing to let go of the material stuff.

3. Letting go of "stuff" makes room for new (and better) "stuff" to come into one's life. [Read "stuff" as anything of value: people, relationships, things, work, play, ideas, emotions, experiences, thoughts, habits, beliefs, etc.] [Yes, it really does seem to work this way!]

4. Letting go involves what Buddhists call "non attachment". And I have found non-attachment to be a very challenging concept to put into practice - and a subject to explore further in another blog entry.

So, what about you, dear reader? What about the internal and external clutter in YOUR life? If you released some of the non-productive "stuff" in your life - both material and non-material - what room might you create for something new and better to come into your life?

The Courage Code

How do YOU define Courage? Do you define it as taking great physical or financial risks or performing heroic deeds in the face of possible injury, death, or financial disaster? Do you see courage as facing the enemy in battle, chasing down and arresting a criminal, rock climbing, shooting rapids, exploring jungles, skydiving, bungee jumping, climbing Mt. Everest, or making a risky investment on Wall Street? This is our cultural view of courage today. This is the masculine expression of courage.

In The Courage Code, by authors Megan Raphael and Jennifer Byron, we are introduced to some new examples of courage - a new code of courage - born of the feminine and exemplified by the stories of 44 women of courage.

These are stories of women who found their voice, learned to speak up even if their opinion was not shared by others, learned how to say "Yes" and "No" from their own truth, were able to walk away from abusive situations and say "no more", made choices to change their lives in ways that risked disapproval or worse, stopped living to please others and starting living from their own authentic truth. These are everyday stories of taking risks on many levels - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial - risks that may not make headlines but in their own ways took enormous amounts of courage.

In the Introduction, the authors state, "We're also introducing 44 women who are, as you are everyday, living courageously. They are challenged everyday to create a life of meaning and authenticity. They have discovered the power of seemingly small choices that create mammoth shifts in their lives and in their worlds."

I can relate to this, as I think of some of the choices I have made and the risks I have taken. I have taken very few physical - or masculine-type - risks, though I did once go gliding in an unpowered sailplane, which is perhaps the biggest physical risk I have taken. I have taken financial risks, most notably by starting and running two different entrepreneurial businesses from an undercapitalized place. I have taken professional risks, such as learning to speak professionally before audiences of all sizes (and going from paralyzing fear to absolute confidence and joy in these situations).

But most of my risks in life have been relational and emotional ones: the first time I asked a boy out (perhaps the scariest thing I ever did, at least it felt that way at the time), the decision to end a marriage which was good in many ways but which was starving each of us emotionally, the courage to stand up to a "friend" who did something very unkind, the risk of saying "Yes" to an unfamiliar and scary proposition, the risk of saying "No" to something that was not in my best interests, and more recently, taking the risk of traveling 3000 miles to have a "third date" with an old high school friend whom I haven't seen in 48 years or taking the risk of losing a very rare and treasured friendship by being authentic and telling my truth.

Though this book is written for and about women, there is much richness here for men as well. We all have aspects of both the feminine and the masculine within us. Each of these aspects, blended together - in one person or in a whole society - create a synergy that is greater than the sum of its parts. We will all grow as individuals and as a culture when we learn to own, embrace, and express the full range of the masculine and feminine within us. The brands of courage exemplified in the stories in this book are part of the whole picture, part of our humanity and wholeness. We are not looking at an "either/or" situation here, but a "both/and".

Stories and acts of courage come in all sizes and shapes, and all are there to be acknowledged and honored. It is time for the feminine codes of courage to take their rightful place in the fabric of our society. It is time for a more gentle revolution from within to help inform our political decisions and social welfare. An ancient Chinese proverb states, "Women hold up half the sky." We could say, by extension, that the feminine in each of us is as valuable a contribution to our society as is the masculine. It is time to bring this truth into being.

To order The Courage Code or to learn more about The Courage Project, visit www.courageproject.com or contact author Megan Raphael at megan@courageproject.com.

Patience - or When Will This Long Winter Be Over!

It is the end of March in New England. The calendar tells us that we have officially been in Spring for ten days now. But are we? It sure doesn't feel like it, with periodic days of snow/sleet/rain and temperatures in the 20's and 30's, brought down to the teens with the wind chill factor. When WILL Spring really arrive? And after that, Summer - my favorite time of year? We've had the Lion; now where's the Lamb?!

I have been feeling like a kid waiting for a birthday that never seems to come. Oh, the anticipation - the party, the friends, the fun, the presents, the cake! Days seemed to pass to excruciatingly slowly, back in those days. And even today, when I am looking forward to some special event, the days sometimes still seem to inch along, snail-like. [Of course, I no longer am impatient for birthdays to arrive, but that's another story!]

But lately, I've been looking at this a whole new way, thanks to - among other things - some study in Buddhism, the works of Eckhart Tolle, and a chance comment from a friend.

Let's start with the friend, who put it this way: "Without winter, there can be no summer. How would we ever know or appreciate the joys of summer without having gone through winter first?"

How indeed! Life is full of contrasts, which together help us know and explore the whole range of what it means to be human: winter-summer, hot-cold, day-night, good-evil, war-peace, rich-poor, young-old, sound-silence, male-female, together-alone, fat-thin, happy-sad, love-hate (actually, it's love-indifference, but that, too, is another story). How can any one of these things exist, without it's opposite?

So, what does all this have to do with Patience?

It all has to do with recognizing these things:

(1)Everything we experience in life has value. Every moment of every day can teach us something, if we are open to the lessons.

(2)Life is short, and precious. Why waste a moment of it pining for what has been or longing for what has not yet been and may never be?

(3)Most of life is illusion. Only the present moment is real. Past and future are just thoughts in our heads. Memories (often faulty), ideas, beliefs, imaginings, fantasies - none of these are real. Ram Das summed it up in a nutshell: Be here now! Eckhart Tolle expands on this theme so eloquently in his books The Power of Now and A New Earth.

(4)Change is inevitable. That is the very nature of Life. As they say about the New England weather, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a moment; it will change. And if you do like the weather, it will still change." So it is with all of life.

Patience is that quality that allows us to slow down, to pay attention to what is before us in the present moment, to enjoy each tiny step of our Grand Journey through life. Patience is knowing and accepting that change is inevitable, that every moment is precious, and whether painful or joyful, every event, every season of our lives, brings with it special gifts - much better and more lasting than any birthday gift could ever be.

So, be patient. Your next gift is as close as the next moment! Perhaps it is even right here, right now! [Click "right now" for a special meditative moment.]