Butterflies, Transitions, and Transformation

Recently, I was asked why I seem to have chosen the butterfly as the symbol, or logo, for my business. This is what I said...

I am drawn to the butterfly as a symbol of my work because it is a metaphor for the kind of deep transformation that can occur during a significant transition period in one's life - an evolution into one's full potential, from which there is no going back.

If we think metaphorically about ourselves beginning as caterpillars that eat (take in information) and grow to a point where we understand intiuitively that that something significant and deep has to occur in order for us to reach our full potential, then we can understand any transition as an opportunity to enter that cocooning place where deep changes could be taking place in our psyche as well as in our physical being or outer life.

As we move through this transformative transition - this pupation stage, where lots of inner work is taking place, though nothing much may appear to the casual observer to be happening - we finally assimilate all the information and inner wisdom we have gathered over time and are ready to emerge as a butterfly - a magnificent version of ourselves - the expression of our full potential, our true life purpose - free to fly, create, and make a difference in the world.

Transitions may come to us organically as we pass through the various life stages, or they may be forced upon us by events in or out of our control - serious accidents, illness, job loss or severe job dissatisfaction, marriage, childbirth, divorce, death of a loved one, and the like. Or, they may be signaled by deep internal stirrings - feelings of restlessness, boredom, confusion, lack of direction, depression, or general ennui.

Not every transition period in a person's life will lead to this type of deep transformation. But some do, and the potential is always there. Often, the event we label as "mid-life" crisis is actually signaling the end of the caterpillar phase of our lives and the beginning of the pupation process - the outward expression of a compelling inner drive towards being our most authentic self and living life at our full potential. Though I mention mid-life, this drive for transformative change can come upon us at any age or stage in our life.

There is a wonderful allegorical story called Hope for the Flowers, written by Trina Paulus in the 1970's (Paulist Press, 1973) that first drew me to the caterpillar/cocoon/butterfly as the symbol for the work I do in coaching people through transitions. Witnessing my clients emerge as the butterflies they were always meant to be brings me great joy.

Hope for the Flowers is a story about two caterpillars, Stripe and Yellow, who become friends. Both are becoming disastisfied with caterpillar life. As the story progresses, Yellow begins to learn about butterflies and is told that she could become one, if she were willing to risk going through a period when she would stop being a caterpillar but would not yet become a butterfly. She is told, "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." And she is encouraged by a butterfly she has met: "You'll be a beautiful butterfly - we're all waiting for you!" And so, she takes the risk and does eventually emerge as a yellow butterfly, beautiful and free. Soon afterwards, she helps Stripe to risk as well, and he begins to spin his cocoon.

What about you? Are you ready to risk for a butterfly?

*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.

Finding Your Calling

My father knew at the age of five that he wanted to be a doctor. He never wavered from that decision. His whole life was about healing. One of my cousins knew at a very early age that she wanted to be an actress. At the age of 70, she still is, although she has added some other roles to her repertoire. I, on the other hand, zigzagged my way through several careers before I found the one I was destined for. How is it that some people just seem to know, early in life, what they are meant to do with their lives, while others - most of us, I'd venture to say - struggle to find their true calling and perhaps never do?

Finding your true calling happens when a whole lot of pieces fall into place. Sometimes the pieces fall together suddenly in some great gestalt. Sometimes the pieces come together slowly over time.

It starts when something catches your imagination in a deep way, sparks your curiosity, your interest and your sense of purpose and meaning. It becomes your passion. It grows and develops when your passion begins to match up with your natural and then learned abilities - your aptitudes, skills, talents, and strengths. And then, there's always the element of luck or the availability of opportunity. It all comes together as the dots are connected between your passion, your interests, your skills, strengths, and natural aptitudes, your values, your sense of purpose, your belief in yourself and in your dream, and your will to make it happen.

If you are someone who did not discover your true calling as a young child or as a teenager, do not be discouraged. This discovery can come at any age. Look at the famous painter, Anna Mary Robertson Moses, better known as Grandma Moses, who discovered her true calling very late in life. Though she was always interested in art and painting, she began her career in a serious way at the age of 78 and pursued it until she was 100. (She died at the age of 101.) A similar thing happened to my friend, Carole Wood Hardy, who began writing poetry at the age of 72 and was a published poet many times over by the time she died at age 89.

Have you found your true calling? If not, what are you waiting for? You can do it. Coaching can help.

Read More About It: Here are three of my favorite books on this subject: Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy (Three Rivers Press, 1997), What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson (Random House, 2002), and Do What You Are by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger (Little, Brown & Company, 2001).

*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.

Designing Your Life - When Things Fall Apart

There comes a time (or more than one) in each of our lives when something shifts or changes, and it's time to re-invent ourselves and re-design our lives. The process of change can be scary, and it can also be very exciting. Patterns that are known and familiar, whether they serve us or not, suddenly become disassembled and the pieces lie about in disarray.

Imagine a child's creation made with Lego pieces. Perhaps it is a fort or a castle, a truck or a robot. And suddenly that creation is pulled apart by a playmate or a sibling. There it is, in shambles, the colorful pieces in a heap, no longer in the familiar and recognizable form. There can be a sense of loss, of confusion, of uncertainty - especially if the change is unexpected and unwelcome. But there is also the opportunity to put these pieces back together in a different way, to create something new and even more exciting.

Usually, at the point that people come to me for coaching on re-designing their lives, something in their lives has been, or is about to be, dismantled. Perhaps they have just started or ended a relationship, have made a signifcant geographical move, have been downsized from a job, or have hit a major life milestone that requires choosing a new direction, such as graduation, marriage, the birth of the first child, the departure of the last child, or the approach of retirement. The familiar patterns of their lives have come apart and lie like Lego pieces all around the floor.

It does not matter if the changes are anticipated and desired ones or forced and painful ones. Either way, they can be stressful and confusing as well as tremendous opportunities for growth and re-creation. When a life comes apart, either in a small way or totally, the first step is to understand that change is happening and that it is natural to go through a grieving process for whatever is lost. This grieving process can take minutes, days, months, or years - depending upon the magnitude or desirability of the change - as we move through the phases of shock, denial, fear, anger, depression, sadness and, finally, acceptance. At the point of acceptance, it is time to re-group and re-build. Then, it is time to re-design your life.

*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.