A Transition Coach in Transition

Transition coaching is my speciality as a Life/Work Empowerment Coach. I coach people who are facing, or are in the midst of, a variety of life, career, or business transitions - people such as:

- College students (and others) wanting to answer the question "What do I want to do when I grow up?"
- Stay-at-home moms wanting to go back to work or start a business
- Men and women who have been downsized, fired, laid off - or have quit in frustration - who want support during a job search or who want to figure out what they REALLY want to do
- People who want to give their lives a complete makeover and want to redesign their total lives; people who want to create and live the life of their dreams, a life that will bring fulfillment and joy
- People relocating geographically who want to get support with planning and executing the move
- People in relationship transitions such as: creating or dissolving of a committed relationship, marriage, birth and family growth, separation, divorce, illness and health crises, and death of a spouse or loved one
- People in a life passage transition - such as mid-life, empty nest, or retirement - who are asking the question, "Ok, so what's next in my life or career or business?"
- People who are asking the deep, soul-searching questions such as: What is my Calling? What is my true Purpose in life? What am I most Passionate about? And how can I live my passion? What are my core Values and Priorities and how can I live my life in alignment with those values and priorities? Who am I, really, at the deepest levels? How will I make a difference in my life?

OK, now having said all that, what happens when a Transition Coach such as myself finds herself in transition? I am in the midst of what I would call a "mega-transition" - one that involves several life and career changes all at the same time.

First, let me say that the reason I am drawn to serving people in transition is that I have been through many, many transitions myself - career and business transitions, relationship transitions, geographical relocation transitions, health transitions, life passage transitions. In the course of all these transitions, I have learned many, many things that are useful to others.

I have also learned this from my experience: A time of transition - and the more challenging the better - is also a time of tremendous personal and/or professional growth. Transition is a catalyst for a cauldron of possibility that can lead to quantum change. It can be a time of profound transformation.

Transitions often create anxiety and fear. Fear of the unknown is normal and natural. My clients experience this, and so do I. Having gone through a number of life and work transitions, I now know that - scary as it is - a transition is the best thing that could happen to me, or to you. When you begin to view a transition as an opportunity, rather than as a threat, the fear lessens, blocks dissolve, and great things begin to happen.

So, how does a Transition Coach get through a transition, especially a "mega-transition"?

By getting help, support, and information, same as my clients do. I work with a trusted coach, a peer support group, a business master-mind group. I enlist the help of friends and family members. I read books, articles. I attend networking meetings, workshops, seminars, and inspirational talks. I research and get information, so that I can make informed choices. I sort things out by writing in my journal, meditating, and taking long walks. I work on eliminating clutter - material and non-material - from my life. I try out some things. And I am suppported by knowing that once I am through this latest transition, I will have even more to offer my clients and my readers.

So, if you, too, are in the midst of a transition, large or small, what are some things you could do that will help you make use of this "cauldron of possibility" to create significant growth and change in your life, career, or business?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Getting Organized

For the past few months, the theme of many of my blog articles has been on letting go and clearing up the clutter in my life. This all goes hand-in-hand with getting organized. Now, normally, I'm a pretty organized person, and most of the rooms in my home reflect this. But my office is another story. In this room, stuff piles up and often it takes me a long time to find the information I need to find. I feel frustrated and blocked. And this has been happening despite the fact that I have had excellent consultations with professional organizer, Nancy Black (www.organizationplus.com), and with Feng Shui and Nurturing Spaces consultant, Linda Varone (www.lindavarone.com), and I have implemented many of their suggestions.

As I have learned from professional organizers, Feng Shui practitioners, psychologists, and other coaches, this state of clutter and disorganization, particularly in a person who is not chronically disorganized, indicates that something else is afoot. In my case, it reflects the fact that I am going through some transitions in both my business and in my life in general. [More about this in the next blog article - A Transition Coach in Transition].

Two days ago, I attended a women's networking meeting in my area (North Shore Women in Business). The speaker was Marilyn Paul, Ph.D. Her topic: It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys. (Also the title of her book; citation below.) A gifted and inspiring speaker, Dr. Paul worked with us to address the underlying causes of disorganization and to develop a strong motivation or purpose for overcoming our blocks to change and then to doing the work of changing our habits.

Though this is a major oversimplification, Dr. Paul breaks out the process of organizing into three basic steps:

1. Get to "Ready": This basically means doing the psychological work of understanding what's behind the disorganization: handling limiting beliefs and other blocks, visioning the desired change, identifying the purpose and motivation for change, and then making a committment to take action. [This is where coaches really come in handy!]

2. Build Workable Systems: Develop ways to eliminate clutter and become organized that organically suit who you are. [This is where professional organizers really come in handy!]

3. Create New Habits: Start taking the new action(s) and keep doing it/them long enough to replace your old habits with new ones. [It is said that habit change of any kind requires a minimum of 21 days of doing the new habit. Often it takes longer. This is another place where coaches can help to solidify the change!]

There are a lot of concrete suggestions for handling these three phases in her book, and I cannot wait to complete it! Here is the full citation:

Paul, Marilyn. It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys: the Seven-Step Path to Becoming Truly Organized. Viking Compass/Penguin Group, 2003.

In terms of clearing clutter, here's a tip I overheard in a conversation after the speech was over: When going through your belongings with the question, "Do I keep this or not?", here are two questions to ask yourself:
1. Is this relevant to my life now?
2. Does this bring me joy?
If the answer to either of these questions is no, pitch it!

If you are dealing with issues of clutter or disorganization, what might be your first step towards change?

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Letting Go Experiment: Month 3

It has now been 3 months and 5 days since I began my year-long experiment in letting go. This past month has been more challenging than the previous two, and I must confess that there are a few blank lines in my daily Letting-Go Log. [I intend to fill them in, retroactively.]

This experiment has some similarities to the process of dieting. In dieting, the first few pounds, in the first few weeks, seem to come off fairly easily - a phenomenon reminiscent of the job practice of "last hired, first fired". These are the "excess water" pounds or the most recently added adipose pounds - they haven't been there long and the body hasn't become too attached to them. After this, dieting becomes progressively more challenging until you ultimately reach that place where, in your mind, there are just a few pounds to go. The body clings to these last few pounds most stubbornly. After that, I suppose - though I have never experienced this myself - if you keep going you enter the land of the anorexic and begin to let go of things your body really needs in order to function well and be healthy.

Well, in terms of this metaphor, I have passed the "excess water weight" portion of this letting go experiment and am into tackling the excess fat cells - still quite far from burning muscle or going anorexic. But even here, I am encountering a kind of emotional and behavioral resistance that reminds me of my dieting days.

I am getting much better at quickly disposing of daily newspapers and junk mail, but still tend to hold onto magazines and "gray-area" mail (items I want to look over someday, but not now) too long. I still have a strong resistance to letting go of any books (and I've got LOTS of those!) unless I happen to have duplicate copies. I am getting better about letting go of clothes, though I still have many items in my closet that I have not worn in over a year. [To my credit, however, are these items on my list for this month: 2 almost-new and expensive pant suits that I am donating to a Dress for Success clothing drive this week. They are well-made and ideal for some business situations, but either they don't fit well or the color doesn't look good on me. In past years, I have held on overly long to items like this. They sit in my closet, unworn. Because of this experiment, I am able to cut this cycle short and let go much sooner.]

The things I am having the most difficulty letting go of, this month, are non-material. This month, I celebrated a milestone birthday, which has generated some fear, worry, upset about aging, and resistance to change. [Yes, even Life Coaches go through passges and transitions and encounter these issues. That's one reason why coaches have coaches!] Letting go of fear, worry, and resistance to change tops the list of challenges for me this month in my year-long Letting-Go Experiment.

I have thought about these challenges in letting go, and have identified three things that are helping me through this process:

1. I know (from previous experiences) that times of transition and change are also the best opportunities for growth, deepening wisdom, and fulfillment. This gives me hope and the confidence to continue.

2. In this experiment, I find that I feel lighter and clearer each time I let go of something I no longer need or want. This motivates me to do more of the same.

3. I have a wonderful coach who is supporting me through this transition.

What fears, worries, resistances, limiting beliefs, or other blocks to fulfillment are you experiencing right now? And what strategies are you using to move through them?

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Success and Fulfillment: What Has Support Got to Do With It?

In the September 4th online issue of the New York Times, tennis giant Andre Agassi, after playing his last professional match, is quoted as addressing his fans in this way:

"The scoreboard said I lost today, but what the scoreboard doesn't say is what it is I have found. Over the last 21 years, I have found loyalty. You have pulled for me on the court and also in life. I found inspiration. You have willed me to succeed, sometimes even in my lowest moments, and I've found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach for my dreams, dreams I could never have reached without you."

It strikes me that this is one of the most elegant and profound expressions of gratitude that I have ever heard or read.

Agassi's quote also reminds me of John Donne's words, "No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main...."

We all need each other. We need each other's shoulders to stand on.

I confess that I am one of those people who finds it challenging to ask for support, though I am beginning to change this. I seem to have a willfully independent spirit - an "I-can-do-it-myself" mentality. But as I mature, I am coming to understand Donne's message - that no man or woman stands alone - and so I have found Agassi's words both inspiring and instructive. Perhaps you have too?

In order to have shoulders to stand on, we need to do three things:

• be willing to ask for support
• be open to receiving that support
• acknowledge, appreciate, and treasure that support, as Agassi has so graciously acknowledged his fans.

These three things are not always easy for some people to do. The first and second steps have been especially challenging to me on many occasions.

As you continue to build and reach for dreams in your life, whose shoulders are you standing on? If your answer includes one name or many names, have you told them so lately?

If the answer is "no one's", then how could you begin to reach out today and start building a support system for yourself?

And for whom are you a shoulder to stand on? What does it take to be a shoulder to stand on? And how are these two things connected - being the shoulder and being the stander?

It suddenly becomes very clear to me that this interdependence, this interlocking web of supporting and being supported, is the very essence of human connection, and is the foundation for success and fulfillment.

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