A Different Kind of Christmas

For me, in the past, the entire holiday season, from Thanksgiving right through the New Year holiday, has been stressful - full of deadlines, too many things to do, financially draining, tiring, too many expectations, too much food, too much stuff. Many of you, I know, have gone through this too.

This year was different. It had a lot to do with the year-long Letting-Go Experiment that I have been doing. This year, I decided to downsize and de-stress the holidays. And this year, I had a wonderful and relaxing holiday season.

Just what was different? Here's my list:

1. Entertaining - this was the first year since I was married in the 60's that I was not the hostess for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and one of only a few times that I was not the hostess for Thanksgiving or any other large holiday gathering. This year, I was a guest instead. Until this year, I didn't fully appreciate how much work it is to host one of these holiday gatherings. I just did it. The absence of doing it created a lot more time for relaxation and a whole lot less stress.

2. Gifts - after talking it over with friends and family, I pared my gift list way down. My friends and I mutually agreed not to exchange gifts, but to go out for celebratory meals or to the movies instead. My family and I agreed to cut down the number and cost of the gifts we exhange and to forego doing Christmas stockings. This made for a much less stressful Christmas financially. Some of the money saved was given to charity.

3. Christmas cards - in past years, I have sent out over 150 cards during the holidays, as well as writing and sending a Christmas letter. This year, I did not do the letter, and sent only a few cards (most of those late) in response to the ones I received. This is normally one of my favorite holiday activities. I love being in touch with people at this time of year, reading their news and sharing mine. But this year, I let myself off the hook in terms of deadlines. I decided instead to take time in January to be in touch with these people, at my leisure.

4. Christmas tree - this year, for the first year ever, I decided not to have a Christmas tree. I did put out a few simple yet festive decorations - a door wreath, a poinsettia plant, a pine arrangement, lots of candles. I thought I would miss the tree. Even thought I might give in at the last moment and put one up. But I did not, and, strangely, I did not miss it. And I certainly didn't miss the work of setting it up and taking it down.

5. Food and drink - in past years, I have overdone cooking, baking, and eating, and have gained weight. This year, I took the emphasis off of food and drink and onto other things instead. (And actually lost a pound or two.) I only baked once - the traditional Buche de Noel we have enjoyed in our family every year on Christmas Day. No cookies, candy, pastries, etc. If we needed them (and we usually didn't), I bought them. I had eggnog, my favorite holiday drink, only once - at someone else's home. Tomorrow, New Year's Day, will be an exception, as I participate in an extravagent New Year's Day Brunch at the Stage Neck Inn in York, Maine, which has been a tradition with friends for more than 15 years.

6. Relaxation and enjoyment - This year, I decided to enjoy the holiday season by doing fun, non-material things. I love music and singing, so I sang in a holiday concert and in our town's Christmas pageant. I took rides to see the colorful holiday lights, but left my own window candles and most of my other decorations in the closet this year. I did a lot of walking. I window-shopped in our delightful town of Rockport, enjoying the ambience of the season; I avoided the malls. I spent time playing with my granddaughter. I partied with good friends, yet let some social events go. Christmas Day at my son's house was low-key, relaxing, and fun. We de-emphasized gifts and food and played more instead, taking a beautiful walk in nature and playing the Disney version of Scene-It.

I can't think of any way to spend the holidays that would be more relaxing and less stressful than it was this year, unless we ignored them altogether (which can also be stressful) or went on a cruise where we were waited on hand and foot. (Well, maybe next year?)

I hope your Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Solstice, Kwanzaa, and New Year's holidays were joyful, peaceful, relaxing and devoid of stress. If they were not, what might you do differently next year?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Letting Go Experiment: Month 6

It has now been six and a half months since I began my year-long Letting-Go Experiment. This means that since June 15th, 2006, I have released almost 200 material or non-material things from my life. I keep a daily log of what I have released, and it is impressive. In fact, I have already released enough things so that my list is filled through mid-January. Yet, when I look around my still-full four-room apartment, I can hardly tell the difference. This says something about the amount of either clutter or excess unnecessary items I possessed last June and still possess today. I wonder what will be different when I reach the one-year mark in mid-June. Will my home look significantly less cluttered? Will my non-material life also be less cluttered? Perhaps I will need to continue the experiment for a second year?

The big thing I am noticing about this experiment is how the process of releasing material things from my life is carrying over into my life in other ways. Take Christmas, for example. This experiment had a big impact on how I chose to spend the holidays this year. Read my Blog article, A Different Kind of Christmas, to see how this experiment changed the way I experienced the holidays this year.

This extended de-cluttering activity is an aspect of Feng Shui in the Chinese tradition. In the eyes of a Feng Shui practioner, de-cluttering your environment allows energy (known as Chi or Qi) to flow more freely through your space, thereby unblocking the stuck places in various aspects of your life. The very act of releasing all the excess "stuff" from your life extends naturally from material items to non-material things, such as releasing extra activities from your schedule, unnecessary or toxic thoughts from your mind, excess pounds from your body, old behaviors and habits no longer useful, and other such "deadwood" from your life.

For me, letting go of material things is getting easier and easier, as I come to understand more and more that I don't really need most of the things I own. I like many of them, enjoy them, appreciate them. But I don't NEED them. As a young mother, I used to go camping with my family a lot. We camped very simply, with a small tent and the bare necessities - only what we could fit in the trunk of our car, for three people. (No RV, camper wagon, TV, bug zapper, etc.). I remember thinking then, "this is all we need for survival. The rest is just gravy."

The act of releasing all these things is also bringing me closer to the Buddhist practice of non-attachment. The purpose of non-attachment, in the Buddhist tradition, is to help us live in the now, in the moment, without attachment to the past or to the future. This also frees up our energy to respond authentically in the moment. As I let go of more and more things, habits, thoughts, behaviors, and the like, I am beginning to get much clearer about what is important to me and what is not. I am not yet at the point where I live consistently in the moment. I don't spend much time in the past. It is over and I have, for the most part, let it go. But I do love to live in the future, in a world of possibility. For example, I do play the Lottery, dream of winning HGTV''s 2007 Dream Home, and imagine myself as a successful published novelist. Letting go of the attachment to the future is my biggest attachment challenge.

What about you? What are you attached to? What is easy to release from your life, and what is more challenging to release? And how do you feel when you finally release a significant piece of Life's clutter? I hope that by de-cluttering your life and practicing non-attachment, you will feel freer, lighter, more spontaneous and authentic, more connected, and more joyful.

Happy New Year! Here's to a year of letting go!

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Roots and Wings

Two of the most basic needs we humans have are the need for security and the need for freedom - roots and wings. Security - our roots - can be experienced and expressed in many forms, such as home, hometown, family, friends, money, a staff job with benefits. Freedom - our wings - can also be experienced and expressed in many forms, such as travel, job-hopping, freelancing, entrepreneurship, financial freedom, the single life.

Though we all need both roots and wings, the relative importance of each may weigh in differently for each of us. One of our life challenges is to know ourselves well enough to know how much we need of each and how to create a life of roots and wings with just the right balance for our own unique self. No two people are exactly alike. Do you know what your unique balance is?

Imagine or draw a scale, or continuum, that goes from zero to ten. [This is not a scale where 10 has the highest value. Here, it is just a number.] At the left end, or at 0, is the word "roots". At the right end, or at 10, is the word "wings". Ask yourself, "where do I fit on this continuum between the need for security (roots) and the need for freedom (wings)?" Without thinking too hard about this, close your eyes and let a number between 0 and 10 come to you. Trust your intuition to give you the answer that best fits you.

Where do you fall on the continuum? And how does this answer match the life you are currently living? If it is not a close match, what might you do to re-design your life to more closely reflect your needs for roots and/or wings?
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This article is adapted and republished from the workbook Designing Your Life: A Life/Work Empowerment Program, (c)2001 - 2006 by Connie Komack/LifeWork Enterprises.

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Letting Go Experiment: Month 5

I have now completed a little more than five months of my yearlong letting-go experiment. This month I have not been rigorous about letting go of one item or behavior each day, and there are empty spaces yet to be filled in my daily log.

However, I have noticed lately that some changes are taking place in my mental attitudes. For example: I sing in a choral group, and since August we have been preparing for a holiday concert that we finally presented last weekend. In the past, in rehearsals, I have been very concerned with getting the notes right, being on pitch, making all my entrances, not making any mistakes. As a result, I have been nervous and uptight, and rehearsals were, for me, exhausting and not much fun.

But this time, I let go of all that - the need to be right, the expectation of perfection. I just immersed myself in the music. I let myself go, diving into the singing with enthusiasm, holding nothing back. I was willing to go for it and make mistakes. The result? I sang better! I actually made fewer mistakes, and when I did make one, I just treated it as a learning experience and moved on quickly. I came home from rehearsals energized rather than drained. I experienced what it meant to make a "joyful noise".

I notice this internal or attitudinal "letting go" happening in other ways too. What I am learning from this experiment is that when you begin to let go of the clutter in your outer, material, life you also find yourself, almost without realizing it, letting go of your inner mental clutter as well.

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Exercising Your Mind

We all know that our bodies need exercise on a regular basis. But what about our minds? I never realized how much my mind needed exercising until recently, when I had the following experience.

For the past five weeks, I have been doing full-time temp work as an Administrative Assistant in the Purchasing Department of a local engineering and manufacturing company - a side trip I took to help me solve a cash flow issue in my business. Now that this job is completed, I realize how good it was for me - how much it stretched and exercised my brain. The job required some computer skills, which I had, and it required attention to detail, organization, and the use of memory, logic, focus, and self-discipline.

Could this job have been any further from my profession as a coach, speaker, and writer? For those of you who are familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - an instrument that assesses personality type and cognitive style - you will understand when I say that this job is best suited to an ISTJ, which I think most people in the department probably are, though I did not test them. (ISTJ stands for Introverted/Sensate/Thinking/Judging). I am an INFP (which stands for Introverted/Intuitive/Feeling/Perceiving). Trust me when I say that, except for the introverted piece, these personality/cognitive styles are total opposites. An ISTJ is a person who, as an introvert, is content to work alone for long periods of time. I had this trait in common with most of the other people in the department. He or she is also logical, rational, analytical, focused, detail-oriented, well-organized, non-emotional and even-tempered. This is a "just-the-facts-Jack" kind of person.

Now, as an INFP (actually, with an E/I split and a P/J split), I tend to be quite different from this most of the time - a creative, imaginative, intuitive, and non-linear thinker, strongly influenced by my feelings, sometimes organized and sometimes not. Furthermore, I wouldn't list my memory as one of my strongest attributes.

Despite these contraindications for this job, I actually took to it like a duck to water. This job challenged me. It required that I focus, concentrate, pay attention to detail, and be highly organized and efficient. It tapped into a part of my mind that is underused - underexercised, if you will. It forced me to learn new things, to remember and master a lot of information, to do tasks in a linear and timely manner, to stay focused and limit distractions, to strive for both speed and accuracy. It exercised and stretched some underutilized aspects of my mind and toned up some underdeveloped behavioral patterns. And so I come out of this experience stronger for it, and in a better position to tackle the next projects before me in my business.

Now, I better understand it when people say that the secret to staying young is keeping your mind active, or the foundation principle we learned in our coach training, "We either grow or we die."

What can you do to exercise your mind? My mother-in-law, who recently passed away at the age of 97, kept her mind active and exercised by doing crossword puzzles daily. For those who prefer numbers, we now have Sudoku. What about taking a class in a subject you've never before studied, or learning a new language, or taking up a new hobby, such as painting, writing, dancing, singing, or learning to play a new instrument? Or, how about taking on a new job or project that you've never done before?

It's time for a tuneup of the mind. How will you tune up yours?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Letting Go Experiment: Month 4

It has now been 4 months and 9 days since I began my year-long letting-go experiment. I am still managing to find one thing per day to release from my life. I am now one-third of the way through this experiment, and I am still nowhere near being clutter-free, though this is my goal.

This past month, the focus of my letting-go project was on clothing. In an earlier Blog (Letting Go - Clearing the Clothes Closet), I described my criteria and strategies for approaching this task. This past month, half the items on my daily log were items of clothing. Other items included foods, suppplements, a few books, a couple of summer outdoor decorations, and some miscellaneous household items.

Letting go of the 15 clothing items was an interesting process. A few pairs of pants did not fit well, and I chose to have them altered rather than give them away. Some items easily fit my criteria and were easy to release. However, a few were not so easy to part with. For example, two top quality professional suits were ultimately donated to a women's Dress for Success clothing drive, after some resistance and a bit of internal dialogue. Normally, I would have held on to these suits for a long time because they were expensive to purchase and I felt that I "should" wear them. However, with each of these items, something was preventing me from wearing them - size, color, fit, or how I felt in them. When I realized that someone else could really use these suits that were languishing in my closet, it became much easier to part with them.

This month, I also learned two more things:

(1) Making a purchasing mistake is not a reason to hang on to an item that is cluttering up your space. Either return it, sell it, or give it away.

(2) "Should" is not a reason to hang on to anything, whether it be a material item or a habit or behavior.

I am already about one-third of the way into Month 5. So far, the theme seems to be foods and eating habits. Tune in at the end of Month 5 (mid-November) to read more about it.

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

A Choice: Bloom or Wither in the Bud?

I love flowers! The other day, I purchased a bouquet of fall flowers from the supermarket. The bouquet was mostly a mixture of pink asters, lavender heather, and some feathery greens. However, in the midst of this bouquet, there was one beautiful long-stemmed rose, in perfect bud about to open. The petals were a creamy white, veined and edged with pink.

The rose is one of my very favorite flowers. To me, it symbolizes many things, including beauty, grace, elegance, romance, love, possibility, and the unfolding of one's full potential.

I decided to remove the rose from the bouquet and place it in its own special vase. Then, I eagerly awaited the unfolding and blooming of this gorgeous bud.

The thing is, it never blossomed. As I write this, I am looking at this tight white rosebud, now with faded pink edges, dried up and withering on its stem. It will never open, unfold, be splendid in its fullness.

I remember thinking about the life cycle of the rose many years ago, when I was in a women's group and the facilitator led us through a guided meditation in which we imagined ourselves as a flower. I had chosen to imagine myself as a long-stemmed red rose. As I visualized the bud forming on the end of the stem, grow larger, become an exquisite bud just starting to unfold, I felt great joy and a sense of anticipation. I continued to imagine the bud opening, as if in time-lapse photography, until it was fully open and at the peak of its magnificence. It was breathtaking. Then, I continued watching as the rose continued to open beyond its peak and the petals began to drop, one by one, and the remains of the flower began to wither and dry up. At that point, I began to feel both sad and scared, as I fully grasped not only the life cycle of the rose but the life cycle of all living things, including me.

The first time after that experience that I observed a rosebud that had withered and died before it opened, I imagined that perhaps it was afraid to open because it didn't want to fade, lose its petals, and die. But the irony was that it did fade, wither, and die anyway. It just never got to be glorious in all its fullness.

How are people like roses? We all start out as the budding rose, preparing to bloom in all our splendor. And some of us do just that. Sadly, many of us do not. Some get picked early or nipped in the bud by frost. And some buds never do open; they just wither on the stem without ever blooming.

Somehow, all this pondering led me to think about two actresses who reminded me of roses. One is Marilyn Monroe, who died in full bloom, and thus never got to be old or withered. Some theorize that she took her life for just this reason - so that she would always remain in people's memories at the peak of her blooming. (I have a different theory about her death, but that is beside the point.) Another is Elizabeth Taylor, a most magnificent rose, who is allowing herself to go full cycle. And then I thought of people I know - friends, family, clients, colleagues, and, yes, even myself - who hold something in themselves back from life and living and don't allow themselves to flower fully into their most magnificent selves. And I wonder: Is this holding back all about the fear of aging and/or dying? Do some people, like the withered, tightly-closed rosebud in the vase on my desk, hold onto their petals so fiercely, for fear of losing them, that they never allow themselves their moment in the sun?

Finally, I get it. Whether we bloom or not, we will eventually age and die. Holding tightly to the bud stage will not prevent this, or even forestall it.

So, here's the choice then: Would you rather bloom fully, knowing that you would eventually lose all your petals, or hold on tightly as a rosebud, full of promise, but never reaching your full potential? Isn't that a choice we all have to make? Maybe more than once? Maybe daily?

What's your choice?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Coming Unstuck: A Sailing Metaphor

Have you ever been in a position where you have had a big decision to make, and found yourself stuck and unable to make it? This decision might lead to the kind of change that would alter your life in big, and largely unforseeable, ways. We're talking about BIG decisions - like whether or not to take or leave a job, change careers, start or close a business, get married or divorced, start a family, retire or not, move to another part of the country or to another country, enlist in the armed forces or join the Peace Corps.

Perhaps you were faced with an array of choices and couldn't narrow them down to THE one? Or perhaps you were faced with two strongly compelling choices pulling on you in equal but opposite directions, and you felt immobilized in an inner tug of war? Or perhaps no choice is all that compelling and you cannot find your direction at all?

The net result is that you find yourself unable to make a move in any direction. You begin to shut down. You lose energy and all momentum for change. You just drift, directionless, letting the currents take you where they will. People close to you begin to worry and to give you labels like depressed, lazy, drifter.

This has happened to me more than once. In fact, it is happening to me now, as I contemplate a move to another state.

I have learned to embrace these times. I'm no longer afraid of them. Robert Persig says, in his book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: "Drifting is what ones does when looking at lateral truth." What I have been doing these past few months is looking at lateral truth - another way of saying "exploring options and multiple possibilities".

I love to sail and used to do it quite frequently in the summer. And here are some things I have learned from sailing that apply to this business of drifting, getting stuck, and coming unstuck.

Many years ago, I went on a week-long windjammer cruise on the schooner Mary Day out of Camden, Maine. We started out in a brisk wind that quickly and unexpectedly developed into a rain squall. The squall passed within a short time and by nightfall we were safely ensconced in a new harbor. The next day, we had sunshine and a fair wind. In the course of the week, we sailed under a variety of conditions: sunshine, rain, fog; heavy wind, light wind, no wind; hot, cold. The only constant was change.

One day, we were becalmed. It was sunny and hot, but there was no wind - zero...nada. And this windjammer had only a small motor that was used exclusively for navigating small harbors and for docking and undocking. It did not carry enough fuel to get us very far. So, we drifted on the ocean that day, using neither sails nor engine, and we passed the time sunbathing on the deck and swimming in the icy Maine waters. The crew members gave each other haircuts and did some projects. The cook outdid himself for dinner that evening. The 28 guests read, napped, played guitars and sang, and got to know each other better. At the end of this long day of "going nowhere", some of the guests began to get restless, either out of boredom or anxiety. "When is the wind going to pick up?" they would ask the captain. The captain would just shrug his shoulders and answer, "when it does". Though he did have a radio and did listen to the weather forecasts, he prefered to have his guests experience the rhythm of life at sea, as it was before the time of radios and such.

Eventually, the next morning, the wind did pick up and we were off again. The period of being becalmed, and possibly stranded, was over. It was then that I really began to understand that Life is made up of all kinds of weather and NONE of it lasts forever, neither the calm nor the storm, the sun nor the rain, the hot nor the cold. Now, when I find myself becalmed in my life, with no wind in sight, I have learned to trust those downtimes - those "doldrums" - and to rest and relax my way through them.

Another thing I've learned from sailing is how to "get out of irons". When a sailboat heads directly into the wind, the sails are unable to catch the wind, and thus to propel the boat forward. The boat stops dead in the water. If the wind is very strong, the boat may even be pushed backwards a little, just from the pressure of the wind on the bow and the mast. This condition of heading directly into the wind and therefore being unable to move forward is called "being in irons". Now, perhaps you have set a course and your destination is exactly in the direction where the wind is coming from. If you head your boat directly toward that destination, the boat goes nowhere. In order to get out of irons, the skipper must move the rudder to one side or the other and change the heading of the boat. Now, the boat is no longer heading for the course destination, but the sails again fill with wind and the boat moves ahead, gaining speed and momentum. This maneuver is called tacking. And when you are heading for a destination directly "upwind", it is necessary to tack back and forth in a zig-zagging pattern until you reach your destination.

Coming unstuck from the immobilizing place of being unable to make a big decision often involves a psychological maneuver that is very much like tacking to get out of irons. You make a choice - any choice - left or right, port or starboard, yes or no, this or that - and you begin to catch some wind (get energized) and gain some momentum (begin taking action of some kind). You are out of the doldrums, out of depression, out of a drifting pattern. Now you are heading somewhere. It might not be your intended destination. But when you are in motion, it is easier to find the wind and tack again and again, while plotting your new course.

The bottom line: Give yourself permission to drift while looking at lateral truth and to get yourself unstuck and out of irons by making a decision - any decision, even the "wrong" one - thereby building up the energy and momentum you need in order to chart and follow a new course.

In transitional situations like this, I find it helpful and motiviating to recall Helen Keller's oft-quoted words: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." What kind of adventure is your life shaping up to be?

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Letting Go - Clearing the Clothes Closet

For all that I've been writing lately on letting go, de-cluttering, and organizing, you would think that I am an organizational consultant rather than a Life/Work Coach! There is a method to my madness!

This past weekend, I focused on my clothing. I went through my clothes piece by piece, trying on many things. I sorted through everything I own - outfits and accessories for all of the seasons. I made some rules for myself - some criteria by which I would decide whether to pitch or keep each piece. Here is my list:

1. Does it fit well? (If it doesn't, have it altered or let it go.)

2. Does it look good on me? (If no, let it go.)

3. Is it in my color palette? (If no, let it go.)

4. Have I worn it in the past year? (If no, let it go. Special-occasion clothes can be exempt, but clothes that don't fit anymore but might again someday are not.)

5. Is it dirty or in need of repair? (Clean it, fix it, or toss it.)

6. Is it in fashion? (If no, is it timeless? If still no, let it go.)

7. Is it relevant to my current lifestyle? (If no, let it go.)

and the clincher...

8. Does it bring me joy?

The results?

Although I was not brutally honest about all things, and did hold on to three pieces that do not fit now but that I still hope will fit someday, I still managed to let go of about 15% of my current wardrobe - all items that were taking up space but were never worn. About half a dozen items were good enough to be placed in a consignment shop. A lot more went to another resale shop as donations. Two bathing suits and a few items of underwear were tossed. One pair of slacks was repaired. Three items went to the dry cleaners and several more were washed. Three pairs of slacks were brought to a seamstress for alterations. And one pair of favorite shoes is about to go a cobbler for new insoles.

And one final result: Yesterday (Monday), I was filled with energy all day. I got many, many tasks accomplished. I felt lighter and freer. This was the result I was hoping for! May it last and last!

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A Transition Coach in Transition

Transition coaching is my speciality as a Life/Work Empowerment Coach. I coach people who are facing, or are in the midst of, a variety of life, career, or business transitions - people such as:

- College students (and others) wanting to answer the question "What do I want to do when I grow up?"
- Stay-at-home moms wanting to go back to work or start a business
- Men and women who have been downsized, fired, laid off - or have quit in frustration - who want support during a job search or who want to figure out what they REALLY want to do
- People who want to give their lives a complete makeover and want to redesign their total lives; people who want to create and live the life of their dreams, a life that will bring fulfillment and joy
- People relocating geographically who want to get support with planning and executing the move
- People in relationship transitions such as: creating or dissolving of a committed relationship, marriage, birth and family growth, separation, divorce, illness and health crises, and death of a spouse or loved one
- People in a life passage transition - such as mid-life, empty nest, or retirement - who are asking the question, "Ok, so what's next in my life or career or business?"
- People who are asking the deep, soul-searching questions such as: What is my Calling? What is my true Purpose in life? What am I most Passionate about? And how can I live my passion? What are my core Values and Priorities and how can I live my life in alignment with those values and priorities? Who am I, really, at the deepest levels? How will I make a difference in my life?

OK, now having said all that, what happens when a Transition Coach such as myself finds herself in transition? I am in the midst of what I would call a "mega-transition" - one that involves several life and career changes all at the same time.

First, let me say that the reason I am drawn to serving people in transition is that I have been through many, many transitions myself - career and business transitions, relationship transitions, geographical relocation transitions, health transitions, life passage transitions. In the course of all these transitions, I have learned many, many things that are useful to others.

I have also learned this from my experience: A time of transition - and the more challenging the better - is also a time of tremendous personal and/or professional growth. Transition is a catalyst for a cauldron of possibility that can lead to quantum change. It can be a time of profound transformation.

Transitions often create anxiety and fear. Fear of the unknown is normal and natural. My clients experience this, and so do I. Having gone through a number of life and work transitions, I now know that - scary as it is - a transition is the best thing that could happen to me, or to you. When you begin to view a transition as an opportunity, rather than as a threat, the fear lessens, blocks dissolve, and great things begin to happen.

So, how does a Transition Coach get through a transition, especially a "mega-transition"?

By getting help, support, and information, same as my clients do. I work with a trusted coach, a peer support group, a business master-mind group. I enlist the help of friends and family members. I read books, articles. I attend networking meetings, workshops, seminars, and inspirational talks. I research and get information, so that I can make informed choices. I sort things out by writing in my journal, meditating, and taking long walks. I work on eliminating clutter - material and non-material - from my life. I try out some things. And I am suppported by knowing that once I am through this latest transition, I will have even more to offer my clients and my readers.

So, if you, too, are in the midst of a transition, large or small, what are some things you could do that will help you make use of this "cauldron of possibility" to create significant growth and change in your life, career, or business?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Getting Organized

For the past few months, the theme of many of my blog articles has been on letting go and clearing up the clutter in my life. This all goes hand-in-hand with getting organized. Now, normally, I'm a pretty organized person, and most of the rooms in my home reflect this. But my office is another story. In this room, stuff piles up and often it takes me a long time to find the information I need to find. I feel frustrated and blocked. And this has been happening despite the fact that I have had excellent consultations with professional organizer, Nancy Black (www.organizationplus.com), and with Feng Shui and Nurturing Spaces consultant, Linda Varone (www.lindavarone.com), and I have implemented many of their suggestions.

As I have learned from professional organizers, Feng Shui practitioners, psychologists, and other coaches, this state of clutter and disorganization, particularly in a person who is not chronically disorganized, indicates that something else is afoot. In my case, it reflects the fact that I am going through some transitions in both my business and in my life in general. [More about this in the next blog article - A Transition Coach in Transition].

Two days ago, I attended a women's networking meeting in my area (North Shore Women in Business). The speaker was Marilyn Paul, Ph.D. Her topic: It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys. (Also the title of her book; citation below.) A gifted and inspiring speaker, Dr. Paul worked with us to address the underlying causes of disorganization and to develop a strong motivation or purpose for overcoming our blocks to change and then to doing the work of changing our habits.

Though this is a major oversimplification, Dr. Paul breaks out the process of organizing into three basic steps:

1. Get to "Ready": This basically means doing the psychological work of understanding what's behind the disorganization: handling limiting beliefs and other blocks, visioning the desired change, identifying the purpose and motivation for change, and then making a committment to take action. [This is where coaches really come in handy!]

2. Build Workable Systems: Develop ways to eliminate clutter and become organized that organically suit who you are. [This is where professional organizers really come in handy!]

3. Create New Habits: Start taking the new action(s) and keep doing it/them long enough to replace your old habits with new ones. [It is said that habit change of any kind requires a minimum of 21 days of doing the new habit. Often it takes longer. This is another place where coaches can help to solidify the change!]

There are a lot of concrete suggestions for handling these three phases in her book, and I cannot wait to complete it! Here is the full citation:

Paul, Marilyn. It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys: the Seven-Step Path to Becoming Truly Organized. Viking Compass/Penguin Group, 2003.

In terms of clearing clutter, here's a tip I overheard in a conversation after the speech was over: When going through your belongings with the question, "Do I keep this or not?", here are two questions to ask yourself:
1. Is this relevant to my life now?
2. Does this bring me joy?
If the answer to either of these questions is no, pitch it!

If you are dealing with issues of clutter or disorganization, what might be your first step towards change?

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Letting Go Experiment: Month 3

It has now been 3 months and 5 days since I began my year-long experiment in letting go. This past month has been more challenging than the previous two, and I must confess that there are a few blank lines in my daily Letting-Go Log. [I intend to fill them in, retroactively.]

This experiment has some similarities to the process of dieting. In dieting, the first few pounds, in the first few weeks, seem to come off fairly easily - a phenomenon reminiscent of the job practice of "last hired, first fired". These are the "excess water" pounds or the most recently added adipose pounds - they haven't been there long and the body hasn't become too attached to them. After this, dieting becomes progressively more challenging until you ultimately reach that place where, in your mind, there are just a few pounds to go. The body clings to these last few pounds most stubbornly. After that, I suppose - though I have never experienced this myself - if you keep going you enter the land of the anorexic and begin to let go of things your body really needs in order to function well and be healthy.

Well, in terms of this metaphor, I have passed the "excess water weight" portion of this letting go experiment and am into tackling the excess fat cells - still quite far from burning muscle or going anorexic. But even here, I am encountering a kind of emotional and behavioral resistance that reminds me of my dieting days.

I am getting much better at quickly disposing of daily newspapers and junk mail, but still tend to hold onto magazines and "gray-area" mail (items I want to look over someday, but not now) too long. I still have a strong resistance to letting go of any books (and I've got LOTS of those!) unless I happen to have duplicate copies. I am getting better about letting go of clothes, though I still have many items in my closet that I have not worn in over a year. [To my credit, however, are these items on my list for this month: 2 almost-new and expensive pant suits that I am donating to a Dress for Success clothing drive this week. They are well-made and ideal for some business situations, but either they don't fit well or the color doesn't look good on me. In past years, I have held on overly long to items like this. They sit in my closet, unworn. Because of this experiment, I am able to cut this cycle short and let go much sooner.]

The things I am having the most difficulty letting go of, this month, are non-material. This month, I celebrated a milestone birthday, which has generated some fear, worry, upset about aging, and resistance to change. [Yes, even Life Coaches go through passges and transitions and encounter these issues. That's one reason why coaches have coaches!] Letting go of fear, worry, and resistance to change tops the list of challenges for me this month in my year-long Letting-Go Experiment.

I have thought about these challenges in letting go, and have identified three things that are helping me through this process:

1. I know (from previous experiences) that times of transition and change are also the best opportunities for growth, deepening wisdom, and fulfillment. This gives me hope and the confidence to continue.

2. In this experiment, I find that I feel lighter and clearer each time I let go of something I no longer need or want. This motivates me to do more of the same.

3. I have a wonderful coach who is supporting me through this transition.

What fears, worries, resistances, limiting beliefs, or other blocks to fulfillment are you experiencing right now? And what strategies are you using to move through them?

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Success and Fulfillment: What Has Support Got to Do With It?

In the September 4th online issue of the New York Times, tennis giant Andre Agassi, after playing his last professional match, is quoted as addressing his fans in this way:

"The scoreboard said I lost today, but what the scoreboard doesn't say is what it is I have found. Over the last 21 years, I have found loyalty. You have pulled for me on the court and also in life. I found inspiration. You have willed me to succeed, sometimes even in my lowest moments, and I've found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach for my dreams, dreams I could never have reached without you."

It strikes me that this is one of the most elegant and profound expressions of gratitude that I have ever heard or read.

Agassi's quote also reminds me of John Donne's words, "No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main...."

We all need each other. We need each other's shoulders to stand on.

I confess that I am one of those people who finds it challenging to ask for support, though I am beginning to change this. I seem to have a willfully independent spirit - an "I-can-do-it-myself" mentality. But as I mature, I am coming to understand Donne's message - that no man or woman stands alone - and so I have found Agassi's words both inspiring and instructive. Perhaps you have too?

In order to have shoulders to stand on, we need to do three things:

• be willing to ask for support
• be open to receiving that support
• acknowledge, appreciate, and treasure that support, as Agassi has so graciously acknowledged his fans.

These three things are not always easy for some people to do. The first and second steps have been especially challenging to me on many occasions.

As you continue to build and reach for dreams in your life, whose shoulders are you standing on? If your answer includes one name or many names, have you told them so lately?

If the answer is "no one's", then how could you begin to reach out today and start building a support system for yourself?

And for whom are you a shoulder to stand on? What does it take to be a shoulder to stand on? And how are these two things connected - being the shoulder and being the stander?

It suddenly becomes very clear to me that this interdependence, this interlocking web of supporting and being supported, is the very essence of human connection, and is the foundation for success and fulfillment.

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Letting-Go Experiment: Month 2

Yes, I'm still at it - this experiment of letting go of one item or habit or "thing" per day for 365 days.

I don't always release exactly one thing a day. But I do let go of one thing FOR every day of the year. This means that I may forget to do this for a few days, but then when I do pick it up again, I release several things at a time. To date, I have let go of 60 (out of 365) "things" - some large and some small.

I still keep a log in which I record the item assigned to each day. This log shows six days not yet accounted for. So, today, I will be looking for up to six items to let go of and add to the log.

This month, I added some new categories of released items: unused cosmetics thrown out, unecessary health supplements to taper off of and stop taking, and two inhertited art pieces to be sold at auction - an oil painting and a framed and signed Grant Wood lithograph. The oil painting sold a few days ago. This is the first released item that has brought a monetary reward.

In doing this experiment, I never expected a monetary reward, though I am delighted to receive it. The reward I envisioned was, and still is, an environment free from clutter. In a stripped-down, clutter-free environment, I expect the simplicity to foster a sense of peace, tranquility, and clarity. And, according to Feng Shui theory, it will also create an increased flow of energy, or chi, and with that, an increase of creative energy, as well as room for new things, new opportunities, to come into my life.

Already, I can tell that these rewards are coming to pass. More about this in future blogs.

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Letting-Go Experiment: Month 1

It has now been a little more than a month since I began my experiment in letting go of the extra "stuff" in my life. As I suspected, the first 30 days (June 11 - July 10) have not been too difficult, though I do admit to feeling temporarily stumped a couple of times.

I keep a running list of what I let go of each day. In the material stuff department, it has been a mix of small, inexpensive or used stuff to moderately priced or brand new stuff. Most items were used or old. A few were brand new. Items ran the gamut from magazines, to clothes, games, books, household items, and office supplies. The biggest item was a pair of cross-country skis, complete with boots and poles, that I purchased in the 1970's but only used a handful of times. Some items were tossed and some were given to charities. Nothing was sold. In the non-material department, I closed two store charge accounts and cut up the cards. It's possible that I've also let go of a couple of pounds, though these are not yet official let-go's.

And here's what I've learned so far:

1. I get overwhelmed by the amount of paper stuff that comes into my home each day - mail, newspapers, magazines and catalogues. If I can't, or don't, get to it right away, it piles up and up, creating clutter and confusion in every room in my apartment, especially in my office. It clogs my energy and my clear thinking. I am beginning to understand the importance of dealing with that paper stuff each day it arrives, and not letting it stack up. A professional organizer once advised me to handle each piece of paper mail only twice. First, either scan or read it. Second, either toss it or file it where you can easily find it again. I have tossed several trash bags full of paper stuff in the past month, and I still have a large stack of stuff to file. But I've made a start.

2. Letting go of stuff is not all that easy - at least not for me - even when surrounded with a fair amount of stuff I never use. For example, my daily newspapers sometimes pile up for days or even weeks before I read them, if I ever do. Yet, it takes an effort to throw them out if I haven't read them, because I might miss something important. And I haven't yet let go of my newspaper subscription (which is up for renewal next month). A few days ago, I threw out (recycled) all my back copies - more than a month's worth of mostly unread newspapers. Then I made a pact with myself to read each newspaper the day I receive it, and/or to toss it that same day. Already, I am breathing more easily. This, I can manage!

I have piles of magazines around that I haven't read yet also. Yet, I maintain those subscriptions too. In both cases, I say to myself, "I'll get around to reading these soon," but somehow I rarely do. There is something about the printed word - whether it be newspaper, magazine, book, or the papers in files in my office - that often seems too valuable to discard. If I were to admit to being addicted to anything (in addition to chocolate), it would be to the printed word, and especially to books. I suppose this warrants some further contemplation.

The experiment continues. Check back in mid-August to see how Month 2 went.

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An Experiment in Letting Go - Part 1

When we are in transition, the first stage is letting go. The process of letting go comes in many forms. We are sometimes called upon to let go of relationships, jobs, objects, habits, beliefs, emotions, desires, and more, including anything that clutters up our lives.

My life is too cluttered. It's not that I live in a large space or have a lot of stuff, but I do have too much stuff for the two bedroom apartment I currently occupy. Lately, I've been thinking about simplifying my life, scaling down my living even more in preparation for a move I will need to make within the next year. Along with this impending move, I also find that I am developing a strong yearning for a really stripped-down,Thoreau-esque life. How little, I wonder, could I live with and be happy?

I recently came across the book Give It Up! My Year of Learning to Live Better with Less, by Mary Carlomagno. Carlomagno is a coach and organizer, who discovered that her own life was becoming too cluttered with items and habits. So, she decided to do an experiment. Each month for a year she gave up one item or beavior, and noted what happened. In my June newsletter, I describe her experiment in more detail.

Her experiment gave me an idea.

I decided that for one year, I would let go of one thing or item each day. That's 365 "things" altogether. When you think about it, that's a lot of stuff.

Letting go includes: selling, giving away, or disposing of the item, or stopping the behavior on a permanent basis. By things, I mostly mean material possessions - especially knick-knacks, books, magazines, clothes, and other household items. However, it could also mean habits, behaviors, subscriptions, services, credit cards, or even pounds of body weight.

I've made a few "rules" for myself:

1. Material things include: furnishings, household items, clothing, books, cosmetics, weekly or monthly magazines, unopened food packages (canned goods, etc). [Junk mail, daily newspapers, opened food packages, trash, and miscellaneous office papers do not count, though whole files or notebooks of papers do count.]

2. A pound of body weight does not qualify as an "item" until and unless the weight has been off for at least a month and does not return during the year.

3. No buying or acquiring anything just for the purpose of having something to let go of later on.

4. I can let go of things in groups and log them as separate items for a sequence of days, as long as there are at least 365 items within the 365 days.

My experiement began June 11th and will end June 10th, 2007. I have started a log, to keep track of this experiment. I've been doing this for four days now. The first day, I discarded a small burned down candle that was beginning to annoy me. A relief. The second day, I let go of a pink T-shirt that I never really liked. No big deal. Yesterday, it was an extra phone book, and today it is a Newsweek magazine from April. Tomorrow, I'm donating my 30-year-old cross-country skis, poles, and boots to a fundraising fair. That decision wasn't difficult, though the form of letting go posed a challenge. I had thought of selling these skis, not giving them away.

When I started this experiment, I figured that the first month or two would be easy. There must be 30 to 60 things in my possession that I could easily part with - more, if you consider the 30-50 pounds I would happily part with, if only it were that easy! I had also identified several things around the house that I would not miss at all.

However, since I do have only four rooms full of stuff, I figure that after a while it might get downright challenging to find things to let go of. That's when the rubber will hit the road, as they say. That's when it will get interesting.

In fact, it's already getting interesting! On days 3 & 4, I had a devil of a time picking an item to release, even though there was theoretically a lot to choose from. I wonder how it will be later on down the pike, when the pickings are slimmer? Tune in periodically and see.

This experiment is about letting go of clutter - clutter of several different types, including objects, habits, services, and body pounds. And maybe - just maybe - it will come to be about a whole lot more than that.

If YOU were to let go of an item a day for a year, what would you choose, and why?

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The Power of Words

Be intentional about your word choices. Words - the building blocks of thought - have power, and they can either serve us or sabotage us (or others).

Here is my very short list of words to eliminate from our vocabularies, along with suggested words to use instead.

Eliminate: can't, cannot
Replace with: I can

Eliminate: try
Replace with: I will, I intend

Eliminate: should
Replace with: I could, I want, I choose

Eliminate: always, never
Replace with: sometimes, often, frequently, rarely, usually, occasionally

Which word(s) might be holding you back?

Here is my challenge: Pick one of the above words-to-eliminate and remove it from your vocabulary for the next week. Substitute one of the suggested empowering words instead.

Watch what happens.


Note: This article is reproduced from Connie's LifeWork Letter, May 2006 issue. To subscribe to this complimentary monthly newsletter, and/or to view archived issues, click here.

The Power of Intention

Some years ago, there was a wonderful adventure movie playing in theatres - Romancing the Stone starring Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas. Set in Colombia, the story involves Jack T. Colton, a soldier of fortune (Douglas) and Joan Wilder, a novelist (Turner) who, for different reasons, have partnered together on a treasure hunt to find an enormous heart-shaped emerald called El Corazon.

In one scene, they are being chased by a small army of bad guys and end up in a tight place, with the army shooting at them from behind and a deep, wide canyon with a raging river far below in front of them. They are faced with a choice: cross the chasm somehow or be captured or shot. They have already attempted to use the rickety footbridge to cross the chasm, but it is too rotten and it breaks.

In one bold moment, Joan Wilder sizes up the situation, grabs hold of a thick vine, takes a running start and swings over the wide chasm, landing safely on the other side. Jack Colton hesitates, pondering the situation, having some doubts. Then, he follows suit, but swings into the side of the opposite wall of the canyon, instead of landing at the top. He then has to scramble up the side of the cliff while being shot at from the other side.

The difference in their two landings was not due to their skill levels, experience, physical abilities, or gender. In fact, the deck was stacked heavily in Colton's favor. The difference was in the degree of their intentions. Wilder was 100% intentional about reaching the other side. She just plain went for it with everything she had. Colton had some doubts and he hesitated. He was probably about 90% intentional. He made it, but with more difficulty.

In this case, the power of intention was so strong, especially for Joan Wilder, that it enabled her to overcome some enormous physical obstacles and reach her goal. What might it be like to bring that kind of full-steam-ahead-no-holding-back intention to your next goal?

Read More About It

Two of my favorite books on this subject are...

• The Power of Intention, Wayne W. Dyer. Hay House, 2004.
• The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent, Esther and Jerry Hicks (The Teachings of Abraham), Hay House, 2006.

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Callings Revisited - Passion vs. Security

In an earlier blog entry, I mentioned the book Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy. On May 4th, I had the opportunity to meet Gregg Levoy and to hear him speak on this topic. Many things he said caught my attention and resonated with me, including his discussion of why people sometimes turn away from their Callings.

A Calling can be loud and clear, or it can be as soft as a whisper or as subtle as resonating with a song playing on the radio. And sometimes, once heard, a Calling is willingly and intentionally followed. Sometimes, but not always. Levoy cited Jonah (from the biblical story of Jonah and the Whale) as the ultimate example of a man who resisted his Calling, who ignored it, hid from it, fled from it until he was cornered and had no other recourse but to take it up.

Many of us, in our own ways, flee from our Callings. We don't pay attention to the invitations. We ignore the signs. We procrastinate in our responses. We deliberate. We even identify what we want and then actively go in the opposite direction. Human nature? Yes. But why?

This behavior, Levoy posits, may be the result of an inner struggle between passion and security - the desire to follow a Calling versus the need to be physically, emotionally, or financially safe. This struggle, Levoy says, is what causes us to ignore, or sometimes actively push away, our Calling - the next step we are called to take in fulfilling our own unique destiny.

Once caught up in this struggle between passion and security, what can we do about it? If we are caught up in such a struggle, it is probably because there is some degree of risk involved - either perceived or real. And if a situation is risky, then what is required of us?

First, information. We need as much information as we can gather in order to make an informed decision. This step includes the possibility of constructing a safety net to catch us if we fall.

Second, courage. The feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway kind.

Third, faith and trust. Faith in ourselves and a trust that the Calling we are drawn to follow is the truest expression of our authentic self.

Fourth, willingness. A willingness to take the risk and trust that it will work out in our best interest.

Fifth, intention. The intention to commit oneself wholeheartedly to following that Calling.

What is your Calling? Can you hear it? Are you moving towards it, ignoring it, or running away from it? If you are ignoring or running away from it, at which step are you bogged down, and what might you do to get beyond it?

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Butterflies, Transitions, and Transformation

Recently, I was asked why I seem to have chosen the butterfly as the symbol, or logo, for my business. This is what I said...

I am drawn to the butterfly as a symbol of my work because it is a metaphor for the kind of deep transformation that can occur during a significant transition period in one's life - an evolution into one's full potential, from which there is no going back.

If we think metaphorically about ourselves beginning as caterpillars that eat (take in information) and grow to a point where we understand intiuitively that that something significant and deep has to occur in order for us to reach our full potential, then we can understand any transition as an opportunity to enter that cocooning place where deep changes could be taking place in our psyche as well as in our physical being or outer life.

As we move through this transformative transition - this pupation stage, where lots of inner work is taking place, though nothing much may appear to the casual observer to be happening - we finally assimilate all the information and inner wisdom we have gathered over time and are ready to emerge as a butterfly - a magnificent version of ourselves - the expression of our full potential, our true life purpose - free to fly, create, and make a difference in the world.

Transitions may come to us organically as we pass through the various life stages, or they may be forced upon us by events in or out of our control - serious accidents, illness, job loss or severe job dissatisfaction, marriage, childbirth, divorce, death of a loved one, and the like. Or, they may be signaled by deep internal stirrings - feelings of restlessness, boredom, confusion, lack of direction, depression, or general ennui.

Not every transition period in a person's life will lead to this type of deep transformation. But some do, and the potential is always there. Often, the event we label as "mid-life" crisis is actually signaling the end of the caterpillar phase of our lives and the beginning of the pupation process - the outward expression of a compelling inner drive towards being our most authentic self and living life at our full potential. Though I mention mid-life, this drive for transformative change can come upon us at any age or stage in our life.

There is a wonderful allegorical story called Hope for the Flowers, written by Trina Paulus in the 1970's (Paulist Press, 1973) that first drew me to the caterpillar/cocoon/butterfly as the symbol for the work I do in coaching people through transitions. Witnessing my clients emerge as the butterflies they were always meant to be brings me great joy.

Hope for the Flowers is a story about two caterpillars, Stripe and Yellow, who become friends. Both are becoming disastisfied with caterpillar life. As the story progresses, Yellow begins to learn about butterflies and is told that she could become one, if she were willing to risk going through a period when she would stop being a caterpillar but would not yet become a butterfly. She is told, "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." And she is encouraged by a butterfly she has met: "You'll be a beautiful butterfly - we're all waiting for you!" And so, she takes the risk and does eventually emerge as a yellow butterfly, beautiful and free. Soon afterwards, she helps Stripe to risk as well, and he begins to spin his cocoon.

What about you? Are you ready to risk for a butterfly?

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Finding Your Calling

My father knew at the age of five that he wanted to be a doctor. He never wavered from that decision. His whole life was about healing. One of my cousins knew at a very early age that she wanted to be an actress. At the age of 70, she still is, although she has added some other roles to her repertoire. I, on the other hand, zigzagged my way through several careers before I found the one I was destined for. How is it that some people just seem to know, early in life, what they are meant to do with their lives, while others - most of us, I'd venture to say - struggle to find their true calling and perhaps never do?

Finding your true calling happens when a whole lot of pieces fall into place. Sometimes the pieces fall together suddenly in some great gestalt. Sometimes the pieces come together slowly over time.

It starts when something catches your imagination in a deep way, sparks your curiosity, your interest and your sense of purpose and meaning. It becomes your passion. It grows and develops when your passion begins to match up with your natural and then learned abilities - your aptitudes, skills, talents, and strengths. And then, there's always the element of luck or the availability of opportunity. It all comes together as the dots are connected between your passion, your interests, your skills, strengths, and natural aptitudes, your values, your sense of purpose, your belief in yourself and in your dream, and your will to make it happen.

If you are someone who did not discover your true calling as a young child or as a teenager, do not be discouraged. This discovery can come at any age. Look at the famous painter, Anna Mary Robertson Moses, better known as Grandma Moses, who discovered her true calling very late in life. Though she was always interested in art and painting, she began her career in a serious way at the age of 78 and pursued it until she was 100. (She died at the age of 101.) A similar thing happened to my friend, Carole Wood Hardy, who began writing poetry at the age of 72 and was a published poet many times over by the time she died at age 89.

Have you found your true calling? If not, what are you waiting for? You can do it. Coaching can help.

Read More About It: Here are three of my favorite books on this subject: Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy (Three Rivers Press, 1997), What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson (Random House, 2002), and Do What You Are by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger (Little, Brown & Company, 2001).

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Designing Your Life - When Things Fall Apart

There comes a time (or more than one) in each of our lives when something shifts or changes, and it's time to re-invent ourselves and re-design our lives. The process of change can be scary, and it can also be very exciting. Patterns that are known and familiar, whether they serve us or not, suddenly become disassembled and the pieces lie about in disarray.

Imagine a child's creation made with Lego pieces. Perhaps it is a fort or a castle, a truck or a robot. And suddenly that creation is pulled apart by a playmate or a sibling. There it is, in shambles, the colorful pieces in a heap, no longer in the familiar and recognizable form. There can be a sense of loss, of confusion, of uncertainty - especially if the change is unexpected and unwelcome. But there is also the opportunity to put these pieces back together in a different way, to create something new and even more exciting.

Usually, at the point that people come to me for coaching on re-designing their lives, something in their lives has been, or is about to be, dismantled. Perhaps they have just started or ended a relationship, have made a signifcant geographical move, have been downsized from a job, or have hit a major life milestone that requires choosing a new direction, such as graduation, marriage, the birth of the first child, the departure of the last child, or the approach of retirement. The familiar patterns of their lives have come apart and lie like Lego pieces all around the floor.

It does not matter if the changes are anticipated and desired ones or forced and painful ones. Either way, they can be stressful and confusing as well as tremendous opportunities for growth and re-creation. When a life comes apart, either in a small way or totally, the first step is to understand that change is happening and that it is natural to go through a grieving process for whatever is lost. This grieving process can take minutes, days, months, or years - depending upon the magnitude or desirability of the change - as we move through the phases of shock, denial, fear, anger, depression, sadness and, finally, acceptance. At the point of acceptance, it is time to re-group and re-build. Then, it is time to re-design your life.

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Practicing Extreme Self-Care

Many New Year's resolutions concern taking better care of our health and body in some way - reducing our weight, eating more healthy foods, drinking more water, exercising more, or stopping or changing some habit, such as smoking, that is not serving us.

In my coaching practice, I have found that no matter what the focus of our work together is - whether it is personal, professional, career, or business development, growth and change - the first issue we often address is the state of the client's self-care practice.

Attention to self-care is vital to the success of any endeavor. Good health and fitness, and a high level of energy, is the best foundation for every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, many people do not hold self-care as a high priority. Here are some of the most common excuses I hear:

• I'm too busy.
• I don't have time.
• I put others ahead of myself.
• I'm being selfish when I take time for myself.
• It costs too much.
• I can't afford it.
• I'm too stressed out.
• My ____ (fill in the blank) comes first.
• I forget. The time just get by me.
• I don't know where to start.

What's your excuse?

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If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.