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It has now been 4 months and 9 days since I began my year-long letting-go experiment. I am still managing to find one thing per day to release from my life. I am now one-third of the way through this experiment, and I am still nowhere near being clutter-free, though this is my goal.
This past month, the focus of my letting-go project was on clothing. In an earlier Blog (Letting Go - Clearing the Clothes Closet), I described my criteria and strategies for approaching this task. This past month, half the items on my daily log were items of clothing. Other items included foods, suppplements, a few books, a couple of summer outdoor decorations, and some miscellaneous household items.
Letting go of the 15 clothing items was an interesting process. A few pairs of pants did not fit well, and I chose to have them altered rather than give them away. Some items easily fit my criteria and were easy to release. However, a few were not so easy to part with. For example, two top quality professional suits were ultimately donated to a women's Dress for Success clothing drive, after some resistance and a bit of internal dialogue. Normally, I would have held on to these suits for a long time because they were expensive to purchase and I felt that I "should" wear them. However, with each of these items, something was preventing me from wearing them - size, color, fit, or how I felt in them. When I realized that someone else could really use these suits that were languishing in my closet, it became much easier to part with them.
This month, I also learned two more things:
(1) Making a purchasing mistake is not a reason to hang on to an item that is cluttering up your space. Either return it, sell it, or give it away.
(2) "Should" is not a reason to hang on to anything, whether it be a material item or a habit or behavior.
I am already about one-third of the way into Month 5. So far, the theme seems to be foods and eating habits. Tune in at the end of Month 5 (mid-November) to read more about it.
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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.
Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
A Choice: Bloom or Wither in the Bud?
I love flowers! The other day, I purchased a bouquet of fall flowers from the supermarket. The bouquet was mostly a mixture of pink asters, lavender heather, and some feathery greens. However, in the midst of this bouquet, there was one beautiful long-stemmed rose, in perfect bud about to open. The petals were a creamy white, veined and edged with pink.
The rose is one of my very favorite flowers. To me, it symbolizes many things, including beauty, grace, elegance, romance, love, possibility, and the unfolding of one's full potential.
I decided to remove the rose from the bouquet and place it in its own special vase. Then, I eagerly awaited the unfolding and blooming of this gorgeous bud.
The thing is, it never blossomed. As I write this, I am looking at this tight white rosebud, now with faded pink edges, dried up and withering on its stem. It will never open, unfold, be splendid in its fullness.
I remember thinking about the life cycle of the rose many years ago, when I was in a women's group and the facilitator led us through a guided meditation in which we imagined ourselves as a flower. I had chosen to imagine myself as a long-stemmed red rose. As I visualized the bud forming on the end of the stem, grow larger, become an exquisite bud just starting to unfold, I felt great joy and a sense of anticipation. I continued to imagine the bud opening, as if in time-lapse photography, until it was fully open and at the peak of its magnificence. It was breathtaking. Then, I continued watching as the rose continued to open beyond its peak and the petals began to drop, one by one, and the remains of the flower began to wither and dry up. At that point, I began to feel both sad and scared, as I fully grasped not only the life cycle of the rose but the life cycle of all living things, including me.
The first time after that experience that I observed a rosebud that had withered and died before it opened, I imagined that perhaps it was afraid to open because it didn't want to fade, lose its petals, and die. But the irony was that it did fade, wither, and die anyway. It just never got to be glorious in all its fullness.
How are people like roses? We all start out as the budding rose, preparing to bloom in all our splendor. And some of us do just that. Sadly, many of us do not. Some get picked early or nipped in the bud by frost. And some buds never do open; they just wither on the stem without ever blooming.
Somehow, all this pondering led me to think about two actresses who reminded me of roses. One is Marilyn Monroe, who died in full bloom, and thus never got to be old or withered. Some theorize that she took her life for just this reason - so that she would always remain in people's memories at the peak of her blooming. (I have a different theory about her death, but that is beside the point.) Another is Elizabeth Taylor, a most magnificent rose, who is allowing herself to go full cycle. And then I thought of people I know - friends, family, clients, colleagues, and, yes, even myself - who hold something in themselves back from life and living and don't allow themselves to flower fully into their most magnificent selves. And I wonder: Is this holding back all about the fear of aging and/or dying? Do some people, like the withered, tightly-closed rosebud in the vase on my desk, hold onto their petals so fiercely, for fear of losing them, that they never allow themselves their moment in the sun?
Finally, I get it. Whether we bloom or not, we will eventually age and die. Holding tightly to the bud stage will not prevent this, or even forestall it.
So, here's the choice then: Would you rather bloom fully, knowing that you would eventually lose all your petals, or hold on tightly as a rosebud, full of promise, but never reaching your full potential? Isn't that a choice we all have to make? Maybe more than once? Maybe daily?
What's your choice?
***************************************************************************
Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.
Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com
The rose is one of my very favorite flowers. To me, it symbolizes many things, including beauty, grace, elegance, romance, love, possibility, and the unfolding of one's full potential.
I decided to remove the rose from the bouquet and place it in its own special vase. Then, I eagerly awaited the unfolding and blooming of this gorgeous bud.
The thing is, it never blossomed. As I write this, I am looking at this tight white rosebud, now with faded pink edges, dried up and withering on its stem. It will never open, unfold, be splendid in its fullness.
I remember thinking about the life cycle of the rose many years ago, when I was in a women's group and the facilitator led us through a guided meditation in which we imagined ourselves as a flower. I had chosen to imagine myself as a long-stemmed red rose. As I visualized the bud forming on the end of the stem, grow larger, become an exquisite bud just starting to unfold, I felt great joy and a sense of anticipation. I continued to imagine the bud opening, as if in time-lapse photography, until it was fully open and at the peak of its magnificence. It was breathtaking. Then, I continued watching as the rose continued to open beyond its peak and the petals began to drop, one by one, and the remains of the flower began to wither and dry up. At that point, I began to feel both sad and scared, as I fully grasped not only the life cycle of the rose but the life cycle of all living things, including me.
The first time after that experience that I observed a rosebud that had withered and died before it opened, I imagined that perhaps it was afraid to open because it didn't want to fade, lose its petals, and die. But the irony was that it did fade, wither, and die anyway. It just never got to be glorious in all its fullness.
How are people like roses? We all start out as the budding rose, preparing to bloom in all our splendor. And some of us do just that. Sadly, many of us do not. Some get picked early or nipped in the bud by frost. And some buds never do open; they just wither on the stem without ever blooming.
Somehow, all this pondering led me to think about two actresses who reminded me of roses. One is Marilyn Monroe, who died in full bloom, and thus never got to be old or withered. Some theorize that she took her life for just this reason - so that she would always remain in people's memories at the peak of her blooming. (I have a different theory about her death, but that is beside the point.) Another is Elizabeth Taylor, a most magnificent rose, who is allowing herself to go full cycle. And then I thought of people I know - friends, family, clients, colleagues, and, yes, even myself - who hold something in themselves back from life and living and don't allow themselves to flower fully into their most magnificent selves. And I wonder: Is this holding back all about the fear of aging and/or dying? Do some people, like the withered, tightly-closed rosebud in the vase on my desk, hold onto their petals so fiercely, for fear of losing them, that they never allow themselves their moment in the sun?
Finally, I get it. Whether we bloom or not, we will eventually age and die. Holding tightly to the bud stage will not prevent this, or even forestall it.
So, here's the choice then: Would you rather bloom fully, knowing that you would eventually lose all your petals, or hold on tightly as a rosebud, full of promise, but never reaching your full potential? Isn't that a choice we all have to make? Maybe more than once? Maybe daily?
What's your choice?
***************************************************************************
Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.
Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Coming Unstuck: A Sailing Metaphor
Have you ever been in a position where you have had a big decision to make, and found yourself stuck and unable to make it? This decision might lead to the kind of change that would alter your life in big, and largely unforseeable, ways. We're talking about BIG decisions - like whether or not to take or leave a job, change careers, start or close a business, get married or divorced, start a family, retire or not, move to another part of the country or to another country, enlist in the armed forces or join the Peace Corps.
Perhaps you were faced with an array of choices and couldn't narrow them down to THE one? Or perhaps you were faced with two strongly compelling choices pulling on you in equal but opposite directions, and you felt immobilized in an inner tug of war? Or perhaps no choice is all that compelling and you cannot find your direction at all?
The net result is that you find yourself unable to make a move in any direction. You begin to shut down. You lose energy and all momentum for change. You just drift, directionless, letting the currents take you where they will. People close to you begin to worry and to give you labels like depressed, lazy, drifter.
This has happened to me more than once. In fact, it is happening to me now, as I contemplate a move to another state.
I have learned to embrace these times. I'm no longer afraid of them. Robert Persig says, in his book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: "Drifting is what ones does when looking at lateral truth." What I have been doing these past few months is looking at lateral truth - another way of saying "exploring options and multiple possibilities".
I love to sail and used to do it quite frequently in the summer. And here are some things I have learned from sailing that apply to this business of drifting, getting stuck, and coming unstuck.
Many years ago, I went on a week-long windjammer cruise on the schooner Mary Day out of Camden, Maine. We started out in a brisk wind that quickly and unexpectedly developed into a rain squall. The squall passed within a short time and by nightfall we were safely ensconced in a new harbor. The next day, we had sunshine and a fair wind. In the course of the week, we sailed under a variety of conditions: sunshine, rain, fog; heavy wind, light wind, no wind; hot, cold. The only constant was change.
One day, we were becalmed. It was sunny and hot, but there was no wind - zero...nada. And this windjammer had only a small motor that was used exclusively for navigating small harbors and for docking and undocking. It did not carry enough fuel to get us very far. So, we drifted on the ocean that day, using neither sails nor engine, and we passed the time sunbathing on the deck and swimming in the icy Maine waters. The crew members gave each other haircuts and did some projects. The cook outdid himself for dinner that evening. The 28 guests read, napped, played guitars and sang, and got to know each other better. At the end of this long day of "going nowhere", some of the guests began to get restless, either out of boredom or anxiety. "When is the wind going to pick up?" they would ask the captain. The captain would just shrug his shoulders and answer, "when it does". Though he did have a radio and did listen to the weather forecasts, he prefered to have his guests experience the rhythm of life at sea, as it was before the time of radios and such.
Eventually, the next morning, the wind did pick up and we were off again. The period of being becalmed, and possibly stranded, was over. It was then that I really began to understand that Life is made up of all kinds of weather and NONE of it lasts forever, neither the calm nor the storm, the sun nor the rain, the hot nor the cold. Now, when I find myself becalmed in my life, with no wind in sight, I have learned to trust those downtimes - those "doldrums" - and to rest and relax my way through them.
Another thing I've learned from sailing is how to "get out of irons". When a sailboat heads directly into the wind, the sails are unable to catch the wind, and thus to propel the boat forward. The boat stops dead in the water. If the wind is very strong, the boat may even be pushed backwards a little, just from the pressure of the wind on the bow and the mast. This condition of heading directly into the wind and therefore being unable to move forward is called "being in irons". Now, perhaps you have set a course and your destination is exactly in the direction where the wind is coming from. If you head your boat directly toward that destination, the boat goes nowhere. In order to get out of irons, the skipper must move the rudder to one side or the other and change the heading of the boat. Now, the boat is no longer heading for the course destination, but the sails again fill with wind and the boat moves ahead, gaining speed and momentum. This maneuver is called tacking. And when you are heading for a destination directly "upwind", it is necessary to tack back and forth in a zig-zagging pattern until you reach your destination.
Coming unstuck from the immobilizing place of being unable to make a big decision often involves a psychological maneuver that is very much like tacking to get out of irons. You make a choice - any choice - left or right, port or starboard, yes or no, this or that - and you begin to catch some wind (get energized) and gain some momentum (begin taking action of some kind). You are out of the doldrums, out of depression, out of a drifting pattern. Now you are heading somewhere. It might not be your intended destination. But when you are in motion, it is easier to find the wind and tack again and again, while plotting your new course.
The bottom line: Give yourself permission to drift while looking at lateral truth and to get yourself unstuck and out of irons by making a decision - any decision, even the "wrong" one - thereby building up the energy and momentum you need in order to chart and follow a new course.
In transitional situations like this, I find it helpful and motiviating to recall Helen Keller's oft-quoted words: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." What kind of adventure is your life shaping up to be?
*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.
Perhaps you were faced with an array of choices and couldn't narrow them down to THE one? Or perhaps you were faced with two strongly compelling choices pulling on you in equal but opposite directions, and you felt immobilized in an inner tug of war? Or perhaps no choice is all that compelling and you cannot find your direction at all?
The net result is that you find yourself unable to make a move in any direction. You begin to shut down. You lose energy and all momentum for change. You just drift, directionless, letting the currents take you where they will. People close to you begin to worry and to give you labels like depressed, lazy, drifter.
This has happened to me more than once. In fact, it is happening to me now, as I contemplate a move to another state.
I have learned to embrace these times. I'm no longer afraid of them. Robert Persig says, in his book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: "Drifting is what ones does when looking at lateral truth." What I have been doing these past few months is looking at lateral truth - another way of saying "exploring options and multiple possibilities".
I love to sail and used to do it quite frequently in the summer. And here are some things I have learned from sailing that apply to this business of drifting, getting stuck, and coming unstuck.
Many years ago, I went on a week-long windjammer cruise on the schooner Mary Day out of Camden, Maine. We started out in a brisk wind that quickly and unexpectedly developed into a rain squall. The squall passed within a short time and by nightfall we were safely ensconced in a new harbor. The next day, we had sunshine and a fair wind. In the course of the week, we sailed under a variety of conditions: sunshine, rain, fog; heavy wind, light wind, no wind; hot, cold. The only constant was change.
One day, we were becalmed. It was sunny and hot, but there was no wind - zero...nada. And this windjammer had only a small motor that was used exclusively for navigating small harbors and for docking and undocking. It did not carry enough fuel to get us very far. So, we drifted on the ocean that day, using neither sails nor engine, and we passed the time sunbathing on the deck and swimming in the icy Maine waters. The crew members gave each other haircuts and did some projects. The cook outdid himself for dinner that evening. The 28 guests read, napped, played guitars and sang, and got to know each other better. At the end of this long day of "going nowhere", some of the guests began to get restless, either out of boredom or anxiety. "When is the wind going to pick up?" they would ask the captain. The captain would just shrug his shoulders and answer, "when it does". Though he did have a radio and did listen to the weather forecasts, he prefered to have his guests experience the rhythm of life at sea, as it was before the time of radios and such.
Eventually, the next morning, the wind did pick up and we were off again. The period of being becalmed, and possibly stranded, was over. It was then that I really began to understand that Life is made up of all kinds of weather and NONE of it lasts forever, neither the calm nor the storm, the sun nor the rain, the hot nor the cold. Now, when I find myself becalmed in my life, with no wind in sight, I have learned to trust those downtimes - those "doldrums" - and to rest and relax my way through them.
Another thing I've learned from sailing is how to "get out of irons". When a sailboat heads directly into the wind, the sails are unable to catch the wind, and thus to propel the boat forward. The boat stops dead in the water. If the wind is very strong, the boat may even be pushed backwards a little, just from the pressure of the wind on the bow and the mast. This condition of heading directly into the wind and therefore being unable to move forward is called "being in irons". Now, perhaps you have set a course and your destination is exactly in the direction where the wind is coming from. If you head your boat directly toward that destination, the boat goes nowhere. In order to get out of irons, the skipper must move the rudder to one side or the other and change the heading of the boat. Now, the boat is no longer heading for the course destination, but the sails again fill with wind and the boat moves ahead, gaining speed and momentum. This maneuver is called tacking. And when you are heading for a destination directly "upwind", it is necessary to tack back and forth in a zig-zagging pattern until you reach your destination.
Coming unstuck from the immobilizing place of being unable to make a big decision often involves a psychological maneuver that is very much like tacking to get out of irons. You make a choice - any choice - left or right, port or starboard, yes or no, this or that - and you begin to catch some wind (get energized) and gain some momentum (begin taking action of some kind). You are out of the doldrums, out of depression, out of a drifting pattern. Now you are heading somewhere. It might not be your intended destination. But when you are in motion, it is easier to find the wind and tack again and again, while plotting your new course.
The bottom line: Give yourself permission to drift while looking at lateral truth and to get yourself unstuck and out of irons by making a decision - any decision, even the "wrong" one - thereby building up the energy and momentum you need in order to chart and follow a new course.
In transitional situations like this, I find it helpful and motiviating to recall Helen Keller's oft-quoted words: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." What kind of adventure is your life shaping up to be?
*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Letting Go - Clearing the Clothes Closet
For all that I've been writing lately on letting go, de-cluttering, and organizing, you would think that I am an organizational consultant rather than a Life/Work Coach! There is a method to my madness!
This past weekend, I focused on my clothing. I went through my clothes piece by piece, trying on many things. I sorted through everything I own - outfits and accessories for all of the seasons. I made some rules for myself - some criteria by which I would decide whether to pitch or keep each piece. Here is my list:
1. Does it fit well? (If it doesn't, have it altered or let it go.)
2. Does it look good on me? (If no, let it go.)
3. Is it in my color palette? (If no, let it go.)
4. Have I worn it in the past year? (If no, let it go. Special-occasion clothes can be exempt, but clothes that don't fit anymore but might again someday are not.)
5. Is it dirty or in need of repair? (Clean it, fix it, or toss it.)
6. Is it in fashion? (If no, is it timeless? If still no, let it go.)
7. Is it relevant to my current lifestyle? (If no, let it go.)
and the clincher...
8. Does it bring me joy?
The results?
Although I was not brutally honest about all things, and did hold on to three pieces that do not fit now but that I still hope will fit someday, I still managed to let go of about 15% of my current wardrobe - all items that were taking up space but were never worn. About half a dozen items were good enough to be placed in a consignment shop. A lot more went to another resale shop as donations. Two bathing suits and a few items of underwear were tossed. One pair of slacks was repaired. Three items went to the dry cleaners and several more were washed. Three pairs of slacks were brought to a seamstress for alterations. And one pair of favorite shoes is about to go a cobbler for new insoles.
And one final result: Yesterday (Monday), I was filled with energy all day. I got many, many tasks accomplished. I felt lighter and freer. This was the result I was hoping for! May it last and last!
*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.
This past weekend, I focused on my clothing. I went through my clothes piece by piece, trying on many things. I sorted through everything I own - outfits and accessories for all of the seasons. I made some rules for myself - some criteria by which I would decide whether to pitch or keep each piece. Here is my list:
1. Does it fit well? (If it doesn't, have it altered or let it go.)
2. Does it look good on me? (If no, let it go.)
3. Is it in my color palette? (If no, let it go.)
4. Have I worn it in the past year? (If no, let it go. Special-occasion clothes can be exempt, but clothes that don't fit anymore but might again someday are not.)
5. Is it dirty or in need of repair? (Clean it, fix it, or toss it.)
6. Is it in fashion? (If no, is it timeless? If still no, let it go.)
7. Is it relevant to my current lifestyle? (If no, let it go.)
and the clincher...
8. Does it bring me joy?
The results?
Although I was not brutally honest about all things, and did hold on to three pieces that do not fit now but that I still hope will fit someday, I still managed to let go of about 15% of my current wardrobe - all items that were taking up space but were never worn. About half a dozen items were good enough to be placed in a consignment shop. A lot more went to another resale shop as donations. Two bathing suits and a few items of underwear were tossed. One pair of slacks was repaired. Three items went to the dry cleaners and several more were washed. Three pairs of slacks were brought to a seamstress for alterations. And one pair of favorite shoes is about to go a cobbler for new insoles.
And one final result: Yesterday (Monday), I was filled with energy all day. I got many, many tasks accomplished. I felt lighter and freer. This was the result I was hoping for! May it last and last!
*****************************************************************************
If you have enjoyed this post, please share your comments below and then visit my Web site and subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter.
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