Sunday, December 31, 2006

A Different Kind of Christmas

For me, in the past, the entire holiday season, from Thanksgiving right through the New Year holiday, has been stressful - full of deadlines, too many things to do, financially draining, tiring, too many expectations, too much food, too much stuff. Many of you, I know, have gone through this too.

This year was different. It had a lot to do with the year-long Letting-Go Experiment that I have been doing. This year, I decided to downsize and de-stress the holidays. And this year, I had a wonderful and relaxing holiday season.

Just what was different? Here's my list:

1. Entertaining - this was the first year since I was married in the 60's that I was not the hostess for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and one of only a few times that I was not the hostess for Thanksgiving or any other large holiday gathering. This year, I was a guest instead. Until this year, I didn't fully appreciate how much work it is to host one of these holiday gatherings. I just did it. The absence of doing it created a lot more time for relaxation and a whole lot less stress.

2. Gifts - after talking it over with friends and family, I pared my gift list way down. My friends and I mutually agreed not to exchange gifts, but to go out for celebratory meals or to the movies instead. My family and I agreed to cut down the number and cost of the gifts we exhange and to forego doing Christmas stockings. This made for a much less stressful Christmas financially. Some of the money saved was given to charity.

3. Christmas cards - in past years, I have sent out over 150 cards during the holidays, as well as writing and sending a Christmas letter. This year, I did not do the letter, and sent only a few cards (most of those late) in response to the ones I received. This is normally one of my favorite holiday activities. I love being in touch with people at this time of year, reading their news and sharing mine. But this year, I let myself off the hook in terms of deadlines. I decided instead to take time in January to be in touch with these people, at my leisure.

4. Christmas tree - this year, for the first year ever, I decided not to have a Christmas tree. I did put out a few simple yet festive decorations - a door wreath, a poinsettia plant, a pine arrangement, lots of candles. I thought I would miss the tree. Even thought I might give in at the last moment and put one up. But I did not, and, strangely, I did not miss it. And I certainly didn't miss the work of setting it up and taking it down.

5. Food and drink - in past years, I have overdone cooking, baking, and eating, and have gained weight. This year, I took the emphasis off of food and drink and onto other things instead. (And actually lost a pound or two.) I only baked once - the traditional Buche de Noel we have enjoyed in our family every year on Christmas Day. No cookies, candy, pastries, etc. If we needed them (and we usually didn't), I bought them. I had eggnog, my favorite holiday drink, only once - at someone else's home. Tomorrow, New Year's Day, will be an exception, as I participate in an extravagent New Year's Day Brunch at the Stage Neck Inn in York, Maine, which has been a tradition with friends for more than 15 years.

6. Relaxation and enjoyment - This year, I decided to enjoy the holiday season by doing fun, non-material things. I love music and singing, so I sang in a holiday concert and in our town's Christmas pageant. I took rides to see the colorful holiday lights, but left my own window candles and most of my other decorations in the closet this year. I did a lot of walking. I window-shopped in our delightful town of Rockport, enjoying the ambience of the season; I avoided the malls. I spent time playing with my granddaughter. I partied with good friends, yet let some social events go. Christmas Day at my son's house was low-key, relaxing, and fun. We de-emphasized gifts and food and played more instead, taking a beautiful walk in nature and playing the Disney version of Scene-It.

I can't think of any way to spend the holidays that would be more relaxing and less stressful than it was this year, unless we ignored them altogether (which can also be stressful) or went on a cruise where we were waited on hand and foot. (Well, maybe next year?)

I hope your Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Solstice, Kwanzaa, and New Year's holidays were joyful, peaceful, relaxing and devoid of stress. If they were not, what might you do differently next year?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Letting Go Experiment: Month 6

It has now been six and a half months since I began my year-long Letting-Go Experiment. This means that since June 15th, 2006, I have released almost 200 material or non-material things from my life. I keep a daily log of what I have released, and it is impressive. In fact, I have already released enough things so that my list is filled through mid-January. Yet, when I look around my still-full four-room apartment, I can hardly tell the difference. This says something about the amount of either clutter or excess unnecessary items I possessed last June and still possess today. I wonder what will be different when I reach the one-year mark in mid-June. Will my home look significantly less cluttered? Will my non-material life also be less cluttered? Perhaps I will need to continue the experiment for a second year?

The big thing I am noticing about this experiment is how the process of releasing material things from my life is carrying over into my life in other ways. Take Christmas, for example. This experiment had a big impact on how I chose to spend the holidays this year. Read my Blog article, A Different Kind of Christmas, to see how this experiment changed the way I experienced the holidays this year.

This extended de-cluttering activity is an aspect of Feng Shui in the Chinese tradition. In the eyes of a Feng Shui practioner, de-cluttering your environment allows energy (known as Chi or Qi) to flow more freely through your space, thereby unblocking the stuck places in various aspects of your life. The very act of releasing all the excess "stuff" from your life extends naturally from material items to non-material things, such as releasing extra activities from your schedule, unnecessary or toxic thoughts from your mind, excess pounds from your body, old behaviors and habits no longer useful, and other such "deadwood" from your life.

For me, letting go of material things is getting easier and easier, as I come to understand more and more that I don't really need most of the things I own. I like many of them, enjoy them, appreciate them. But I don't NEED them. As a young mother, I used to go camping with my family a lot. We camped very simply, with a small tent and the bare necessities - only what we could fit in the trunk of our car, for three people. (No RV, camper wagon, TV, bug zapper, etc.). I remember thinking then, "this is all we need for survival. The rest is just gravy."

The act of releasing all these things is also bringing me closer to the Buddhist practice of non-attachment. The purpose of non-attachment, in the Buddhist tradition, is to help us live in the now, in the moment, without attachment to the past or to the future. This also frees up our energy to respond authentically in the moment. As I let go of more and more things, habits, thoughts, behaviors, and the like, I am beginning to get much clearer about what is important to me and what is not. I am not yet at the point where I live consistently in the moment. I don't spend much time in the past. It is over and I have, for the most part, let it go. But I do love to live in the future, in a world of possibility. For example, I do play the Lottery, dream of winning HGTV''s 2007 Dream Home, and imagine myself as a successful published novelist. Letting go of the attachment to the future is my biggest attachment challenge.

What about you? What are you attached to? What is easy to release from your life, and what is more challenging to release? And how do you feel when you finally release a significant piece of Life's clutter? I hope that by de-cluttering your life and practicing non-attachment, you will feel freer, lighter, more spontaneous and authentic, more connected, and more joyful.

Happy New Year! Here's to a year of letting go!

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Roots and Wings

Two of the most basic needs we humans have are the need for security and the need for freedom - roots and wings. Security - our roots - can be experienced and expressed in many forms, such as home, hometown, family, friends, money, a staff job with benefits. Freedom - our wings - can also be experienced and expressed in many forms, such as travel, job-hopping, freelancing, entrepreneurship, financial freedom, the single life.

Though we all need both roots and wings, the relative importance of each may weigh in differently for each of us. One of our life challenges is to know ourselves well enough to know how much we need of each and how to create a life of roots and wings with just the right balance for our own unique self. No two people are exactly alike. Do you know what your unique balance is?

Imagine or draw a scale, or continuum, that goes from zero to ten. [This is not a scale where 10 has the highest value. Here, it is just a number.] At the left end, or at 0, is the word "roots". At the right end, or at 10, is the word "wings". Ask yourself, "where do I fit on this continuum between the need for security (roots) and the need for freedom (wings)?" Without thinking too hard about this, close your eyes and let a number between 0 and 10 come to you. Trust your intuition to give you the answer that best fits you.

Where do you fall on the continuum? And how does this answer match the life you are currently living? If it is not a close match, what might you do to re-design your life to more closely reflect your needs for roots and/or wings?
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This article is adapted and republished from the workbook Designing Your Life: A Life/Work Empowerment Program, (c)2001 - 2006 by Connie Komack/LifeWork Enterprises.

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com