Procrastination: Some Thoughts

Procrastination! A fascinating topic. What IS procrastination? The online Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of the verb "to procrastinate" is "to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done."

I have a calendar program called AnyTime. My version is pretty old now, but it serves the purpose. I use the daily display. On the left is the day, laid out in hours. On the right is a To Do List for the day.

Now, I mention all this because almost EVERY day, there are more things on my To Do List than I can, or do, accomplish that day. There are inevitably items that spill over to the next day and some items that I just scratch off the list.

Sometimes I notice that the same item spills over from day to day to day. I neither do it, nor scratch it off the list. It is something I need, or want, to do, yet somehow I never get to it. THIS is procrastination - just staring me in the face, day after day! Do you have items on your To Do List like this?

At first, I thought that there were two types of procrastination: (1) You have a task to do but outside distractions or interruptions prevent you from doing it. (2) You have a task to do but some internal and usually ill-defined resistance leads you to choose to do something else instead. You just simply put off until tomorrow what you could do today. And somehow, "tomorrow" keeps on being "tomorrow" day after day after day.

However, in reviewing the Dictionary definition above I note the word "intentionally". So, there are three factors afoot here, and the first type of procrastination described above - outside interruptions or distractions - turns out to be something other than true procrastination:

(1) External interruptions that cannot be avoided and that reasonably take priority over the task at hand: This is NOT procrastination, though if repeated or perpetual it may be a matter of poor boundary management.

(2) External distractions - also things that need to be done, but could be done at another time, AFTER you have completed the task at hand: These distractions are NOT procrastination, though they could be used to support procrastination. This is a matter of lack of focus and prioritizing, combined with poor time management - sometimes a symptom of ADD or ADHD. [Watch for my upcoming Blog article on "Procrastination: Ten Top Daily Distractions and How to Handle Them".]

(3) Internal distractions that lead you to "blow off" the task at hand and do almost anything else instead: THIS is true Procrastination! And the root of this type of procrastination is RESISTANCE.

The optimal way to handle procrastination in our lives is to OWN our resistance to doing the task and take a good hard look at WHY we are resisting it. And there could be many reasons.

Here are some possibilities:

- The task is too difficult
- The task is too easy; it's boring
- It takes too long
- It's too much work - more than you feel like doing
- It's overwhelming in its magnitude
- It's not interesting or meaningful
- The incentive or reward is not great enough
- I'm just lazy
- Doing the task may result in something unfavorable to me, or to someone else
- It seems like a waste of time
- You have a "gut feeling" that doing this task is not a good idea [and when you do put it off, you often discover that intuition was right]

Once you understand WHY you procrastinate, and you OWN your resistance, then you can stop sabotaging yourself and make a clear choice about how you will handle this going forward. Your resistance loses its power and you are able to solve your dilemma and move on.

P.S. For more insights on Procrastination, visit the Website Procrastination Is Fun.

Blogging Again: Back in the Saddle

Bless me, someone - it's been 8 months and 17 days since my last Blog post!

And, more than that, it's been twelve months since I published the last issue of my monthly e-newsletter, LifeWork Letter!

Why the long hiatus? Who knows, for sure. I've got some thoughts about this.

I'll tell you what it's NOT: It's not due to illness, nor family emergencies, nor a career change, nor retirement, nor an extensive trip around the world, nor a dislike of writing.

On the contrary, I am very much alive and well, my family is well, and I am still a life/work coach, trainer, speaker, and writer. I am not retired, though I do take more time off than I used to. I haven't done any traveling, except for a brief two-day trip to Maine this summer. And I love writing more than ever. In fact, this month - the month of November - I am once again participating in National Novel Writing Month (www.NaNoWriMo.org).

So, again, why the long hiatus in writing my Blog or Newsletter?

• Well, for a while back there, I was heavily involved in developing and facilitating an entrepreneurial training program specifically designed for unemployed workers who wanted to start their own businesses. Writing time slipped away.
• Then, as late spring approached, I embarked on a focused weight management and exercise program (self-designed) that resulted in getting much more fit and healthy and losing 15 pounds of last year's "winter weight". This took a lot of time, focus, and energy.
• As summer came into full bloom, a special friendship did too, and spending time with him became a welcome distraction. No, more than a distraction, it became a priority. (Still is.)
• Then came Fall - a birthday, some business presentations, some PR in two newspaper articles, a sore shoulder from over-exercising, rehearsals for two musical productions, fundraising for a non-profit, and complications in the special friendship - all taking precedence.

But what's the bottom line here? What derails us from our so-called "productive activities"? What causes us to lose our focus and drift?

Here are some thoughts about that, some possible causes:

• Distractions
• Laziness
• Exhaustion
• Procrastination
• A reorganization of priorities
• A lack of Purpose, or a change of Purpose
• A need for a break, a change of pace, some R&R
• A desire for fun and/or creative endeavors
• A time for learning, gathering new ideas and information - some "mulling" time
• A period of transformation, similar to being in the chrysalis stage between caterpillar and butterfly

Now, I am filled with thoughts about all these areas, and a desire to share my ideas, and to dialogue with my readers. All these topics and more are now on the table for discussion. In my next blog post, I will address the issue of procrastination.

So, let me hear from you. What takes you off-course in your life? Or, does your course merely change? How does procrastination fit into your picture?

Leading From the Heart: Non-Violent Communication

When communication between two people (or two parties or two nations) goes astray, it is often because one or both parties are coming from a defensive posture rather than from a compassionate one. When one is coming from a place of trying to defend or protect his/her thoughts, opinions, feelings, turf, self-image, vulnerability, freedom, etc. , he/she is leading with the head rather than the heart. The intention is to control or dominate the conversation in order to protect oneself from harm - a "harm" much more often imagined then real. And from this place, true, honest, productive, connecting communication cannot take place.

A much more productive and truly connecting style of communication comes from a willingness to be open - open-minded and open-hearted - and to come from a place of curiosity and inquiry and a sense of respect and compassion for the other party. In this way, we can generate a sense of safety and trust in our communication with others, which in turn, leads to true understanding and much better outcomes. This style we might describe as leading from the heart, more than from the head.

Many of you may already be familiar with the communication style known as Non-Violent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg and originally published in the book Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Marshall B. Rosenberg, Puddledancer Press, 2003).

In this style of communication, one strives to communicate openly and compassionately with another, listening carefully to the other, being clear about one's own needs, feelings, and wishes, and communicating them in a non-blaming, non-demanding way. In the most simplistic explanation of this communication process, in which you are either the giver or the receiver of the communication, there are four steps:

1. What I (or you) observe that does or does not contribute to my/your well-being.

2. What I (or you) am (are) feeling in relation to what I/you observe.

3. What I (or you) need or value that causes my/your feelings.

4. What concrete action(s) I (or you) would like taken that would enrich my/your life (expressed as a request, without demanding).

For a deeper explanation of this process, you can download the article "How You Can Use the NVC Process" authored by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Learning to communicate with others in this way allows us to come from love rather than fear and to generate feelings of safety and trust in the other party rather than defensiveness and distrust.

What a world this would be if we could all master NVC!

Nano Dancing: Have Nano, Will Dance!

I love dancing! I love all kinds of dancing - ballroom, latin, swing, rock, circle, square, line, zumba - you name it. Moving to music, especially with a partner - what can beat that for exercise, stress reduction, fun, and pure pleasure?

Now, I've discovered Nano Dancing, and I want to share this with the world!

What is Nano Dancing? And how do you do it?

Nano Dancing is just dancing to music that you listen to through an iPOD Nano (with ear buds).

If you love to dance, and you have a Nano (a miniature version of the iPOD, designed to be compatible with iTunes - and no, I'm not an Apple rep - in fact, I don't yet own a Nano, but I'm working on it), you're on your way to being in business. You can, of course, dance all by yourself; but like any dancing, it's more fun with a partner and/or a group.

Lately, I have been doing Nano Social Dancing with my friend, Bob - often in one of our kitchens, or at the local Y. What fun! And the Nano Dancing is his concept, his "baby". Later on, I'll tell you more about his Nano Dancing project.

Now, why would you choose to dance to music via a Nano instead of say, listening to music played on a radio or CD player or by a DJ or a live band?

Well, here are a few possible reasons:

1. You can dance to music anywhere, at any time - [What about the beach or a park in summer? A dance floor at a bar on a night when no dance music is provided? Your kitchen or living room or ...?]

2. You don't have to have a DJ or a live band or cumbersome playback equipment in order to dance - alone, with a partner, or in a group. [If you have a partner or especially a group, you probably do need a couple of other small and very portable pieces of equipment.]

3. The sound quality is superb - you can actually hear the beat - much better than the echoey, distorted, way-too-loud sound you often find at a dance venue. [Ideal for people with hearing issues, too.]

4. If you are dancing with a partner and/or with a group, you can synchronize your Nanos so that each person is hearing the same music at the same time.

5. You can adjust the volume to suit your own individual taste.

6. You set up your own playlist. You can dance to exactly the songs or types of dance music you prefer.

7. You can play your dance music as loud as you want, as late at night as you want, and you won't disturb your neighbors.

8. No radio commercials or dance intermissions. You choose when you want to start and stop dancing. You can repeat your favorites as often as you like.

Other reasons? Well, I guess there are people who just love to play with gadgets. [That's not me, particularly, but all the other reasons work for me.]

So, if this kind of dancing appeals to you, and if you happen to live in the Boston area - especially on the North Shore or on Cape Ann - you can learn more about Nano Dancing, and better yet experience it, by joining Bob's Meetup Group, Boston and Northshore Nano Dancers, http://www.meetup.com/Nano-Dancers/.

Talk about Happy Feet! Enjoy!