Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Leading From the Heart: Non-Violent Communication

When communication between two people (or two parties or two nations) goes astray, it is often because one or both parties are coming from a defensive posture rather than from a compassionate one. When one is coming from a place of trying to defend or protect his/her thoughts, opinions, feelings, turf, self-image, vulnerability, freedom, etc. , he/she is leading with the head rather than the heart. The intention is to control or dominate the conversation in order to protect oneself from harm - a "harm" much more often imagined then real. And from this place, true, honest, productive, connecting communication cannot take place.

A much more productive and truly connecting style of communication comes from a willingness to be open - open-minded and open-hearted - and to come from a place of curiosity and inquiry and a sense of respect and compassion for the other party. In this way, we can generate a sense of safety and trust in our communication with others, which in turn, leads to true understanding and much better outcomes. This style we might describe as leading from the heart, more than from the head.

Many of you may already be familiar with the communication style known as Non-Violent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg and originally published in the book Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Marshall B. Rosenberg, Puddledancer Press, 2003).

In this style of communication, one strives to communicate openly and compassionately with another, listening carefully to the other, being clear about one's own needs, feelings, and wishes, and communicating them in a non-blaming, non-demanding way. In the most simplistic explanation of this communication process, in which you are either the giver or the receiver of the communication, there are four steps:

1. What I (or you) observe that does or does not contribute to my/your well-being.

2. What I (or you) am (are) feeling in relation to what I/you observe.

3. What I (or you) need or value that causes my/your feelings.

4. What concrete action(s) I (or you) would like taken that would enrich my/your life (expressed as a request, without demanding).

For a deeper explanation of this process, you can download the article "How You Can Use the NVC Process" authored by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Learning to communicate with others in this way allows us to come from love rather than fear and to generate feelings of safety and trust in the other party rather than defensiveness and distrust.

What a world this would be if we could all master NVC!

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Nano Dancing: Have Nano, Will Dance!

I love dancing! I love all kinds of dancing - ballroom, latin, swing, rock, circle, square, line, zumba - you name it. Moving to music, especially with a partner - what can beat that for exercise, stress reduction, fun, and pure pleasure?

Now, I've discovered Nano Dancing, and I want to share this with the world!

What is Nano Dancing? And how do you do it?

Nano Dancing is just dancing to music that you listen to through an iPOD Nano (with ear buds).

If you love to dance, and you have a Nano (a miniature version of the iPOD, designed to be compatible with iTunes - and no, I'm not an Apple rep - in fact, I don't yet own a Nano, but I'm working on it), you're on your way to being in business. You can, of course, dance all by yourself; but like any dancing, it's more fun with a partner and/or a group.

Lately, I have been doing Nano Social Dancing with my friend, Bob - often in one of our kitchens, or at the local Y. What fun! And the Nano Dancing is his concept, his "baby". Later on, I'll tell you more about his Nano Dancing project.

Now, why would you choose to dance to music via a Nano instead of say, listening to music played on a radio or CD player or by a DJ or a live band?

Well, here are a few possible reasons:

1. You can dance to music anywhere, at any time - [What about the beach or a park in summer? A dance floor at a bar on a night when no dance music is provided? Your kitchen or living room or ...?]

2. You don't have to have a DJ or a live band or cumbersome playback equipment in order to dance - alone, with a partner, or in a group. [If you have a partner or especially a group, you probably do need a couple of other small and very portable pieces of equipment.]

3. The sound quality is superb - you can actually hear the beat - much better than the echoey, distorted, way-too-loud sound you often find at a dance venue. [Ideal for people with hearing issues, too.]

4. If you are dancing with a partner and/or with a group, you can synchronize your Nanos so that each person is hearing the same music at the same time.

5. You can adjust the volume to suit your own individual taste.

6. You set up your own playlist. You can dance to exactly the songs or types of dance music you prefer.

7. You can play your dance music as loud as you want, as late at night as you want, and you won't disturb your neighbors.

8. No radio commercials or dance intermissions. You choose when you want to start and stop dancing. You can repeat your favorites as often as you like.

Other reasons? Well, I guess there are people who just love to play with gadgets. [That's not me, particularly, but all the other reasons work for me.]

So, if this kind of dancing appeals to you, and if you happen to live in the Boston area - especially on the North Shore or on Cape Ann - you can learn more about Nano Dancing, and better yet experience it, by joining Bob's Meetup Group, Boston and Northshore Nano Dancers, http://www.meetup.com/Nano-Dancers/.

Talk about Happy Feet! Enjoy!