Coming Unstuck: A Sailing Metaphor

Have you ever been in a position where you have had a big decision to make, and found yourself stuck and unable to make it? This decision might lead to the kind of change that would alter your life in big, and largely unforseeable, ways. We're talking about BIG decisions - like whether or not to take or leave a job, change careers, start or close a business, get married or divorced, start a family, retire or not, move to another part of the country or to another country, enlist in the armed forces or join the Peace Corps.

Perhaps you were faced with an array of choices and couldn't narrow them down to THE one? Or perhaps you were faced with two strongly compelling choices pulling on you in equal but opposite directions, and you felt immobilized in an inner tug of war? Or perhaps no choice is all that compelling and you cannot find your direction at all?

The net result is that you find yourself unable to make a move in any direction. You begin to shut down. You lose energy and all momentum for change. You just drift, directionless, letting the currents take you where they will. People close to you begin to worry and to give you labels like depressed, lazy, drifter.

This has happened to me more than once. In fact, it is happening to me now, as I contemplate a move to another state.

I have learned to embrace these times. I'm no longer afraid of them. Robert Persig says, in his book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: "Drifting is what ones does when looking at lateral truth." What I have been doing these past few months is looking at lateral truth - another way of saying "exploring options and multiple possibilities".

I love to sail and used to do it quite frequently in the summer. And here are some things I have learned from sailing that apply to this business of drifting, getting stuck, and coming unstuck.

Many years ago, I went on a week-long windjammer cruise on the schooner Mary Day out of Camden, Maine. We started out in a brisk wind that quickly and unexpectedly developed into a rain squall. The squall passed within a short time and by nightfall we were safely ensconced in a new harbor. The next day, we had sunshine and a fair wind. In the course of the week, we sailed under a variety of conditions: sunshine, rain, fog; heavy wind, light wind, no wind; hot, cold. The only constant was change.

One day, we were becalmed. It was sunny and hot, but there was no wind - zero...nada. And this windjammer had only a small motor that was used exclusively for navigating small harbors and for docking and undocking. It did not carry enough fuel to get us very far. So, we drifted on the ocean that day, using neither sails nor engine, and we passed the time sunbathing on the deck and swimming in the icy Maine waters. The crew members gave each other haircuts and did some projects. The cook outdid himself for dinner that evening. The 28 guests read, napped, played guitars and sang, and got to know each other better. At the end of this long day of "going nowhere", some of the guests began to get restless, either out of boredom or anxiety. "When is the wind going to pick up?" they would ask the captain. The captain would just shrug his shoulders and answer, "when it does". Though he did have a radio and did listen to the weather forecasts, he prefered to have his guests experience the rhythm of life at sea, as it was before the time of radios and such.

Eventually, the next morning, the wind did pick up and we were off again. The period of being becalmed, and possibly stranded, was over. It was then that I really began to understand that Life is made up of all kinds of weather and NONE of it lasts forever, neither the calm nor the storm, the sun nor the rain, the hot nor the cold. Now, when I find myself becalmed in my life, with no wind in sight, I have learned to trust those downtimes - those "doldrums" - and to rest and relax my way through them.

Another thing I've learned from sailing is how to "get out of irons". When a sailboat heads directly into the wind, the sails are unable to catch the wind, and thus to propel the boat forward. The boat stops dead in the water. If the wind is very strong, the boat may even be pushed backwards a little, just from the pressure of the wind on the bow and the mast. This condition of heading directly into the wind and therefore being unable to move forward is called "being in irons". Now, perhaps you have set a course and your destination is exactly in the direction where the wind is coming from. If you head your boat directly toward that destination, the boat goes nowhere. In order to get out of irons, the skipper must move the rudder to one side or the other and change the heading of the boat. Now, the boat is no longer heading for the course destination, but the sails again fill with wind and the boat moves ahead, gaining speed and momentum. This maneuver is called tacking. And when you are heading for a destination directly "upwind", it is necessary to tack back and forth in a zig-zagging pattern until you reach your destination.

Coming unstuck from the immobilizing place of being unable to make a big decision often involves a psychological maneuver that is very much like tacking to get out of irons. You make a choice - any choice - left or right, port or starboard, yes or no, this or that - and you begin to catch some wind (get energized) and gain some momentum (begin taking action of some kind). You are out of the doldrums, out of depression, out of a drifting pattern. Now you are heading somewhere. It might not be your intended destination. But when you are in motion, it is easier to find the wind and tack again and again, while plotting your new course.

The bottom line: Give yourself permission to drift while looking at lateral truth and to get yourself unstuck and out of irons by making a decision - any decision, even the "wrong" one - thereby building up the energy and momentum you need in order to chart and follow a new course.

In transitional situations like this, I find it helpful and motiviating to recall Helen Keller's oft-quoted words: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." What kind of adventure is your life shaping up to be?

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