Don't Wait. Carpe Diem!

Carpe Diem. Latin for "seize the day".

This is written especially for the procrastinators out there (me included).

Three recent events in my life have converged like a perfect storm to bring home to me the importance living life full out in every moment, hitting all the high spots, and not letting the important stuff slide.

The first event was attending portions of a Buddhist retreat that was held down the street from me in my home town of Rockport, Massachusetts this past August. Though I did not attend the whole retreat, and did not experience this firsthand, I did hear that the teacher, Lama Marut, led participants in a long guided meditation on death. The purpose of doing this meditation, as I understand it, is to face and finally accept the inevitability of one's own death so that one can release the fear and begin to really live - fully and in every moment. One of the things you realize through doing this meditation is that death could come at any moment, ready or not, whether we are young, old, or in between. The purpose of this death meditation is, ultimately, to end suffering and to bring happiness to yourself and to others. [This description is a vast oversimplification, but it will have to do for now.]

The second event was hearing the description of a trip to France, recently undertaken by two friends, John and Jo Leal. They spent most of their three-week trip in the countryside near the village of Turenne, but spent the last two and a half days in Paris. This got me thinking about what happens when we take a trip to an unfamiliar location, especially to a destination hot spot like Paris. What happens when we try to see, do, experience everything in such a short space of time? We have a long list, perhaps, of what we want to see and do - tourist spots, scenic beauty, fine dining, couture clothing, eating croissants in a cafe, practicing our French, immersing ourselves in the culture; the list could go on and on. In a situation like this, most of us go for it full out. We pack it all in. We extract every drop we can from every moment. As my friend Betty would say, we "live juicy".

I put this together with the lesson of the death meditation and thought, why can't we live every day as if we only had two days in Paris? There is something about the way we throw ourselves into life when we are traveling, especially to unfamiliar and exotic foreign destinations, that brings us into the present moment, heightens our awareness and our appreciation of our surroundings, and enables us to let go, experience life fully, and "live juicy".

The third event happened just a week ago. A beloved family member died unexpectedly when he was hit by a van while walking his dog. This event brought it all home. We don't know when or how the end will come. Sometimes, as the TV ad says, life (or death) comes at you fast. As I sat in the service, I thought about Dick and about other people who have exited my life, via death or in other ways, before I had the chance to learn who they really were or to say all the things I would like to have said. I procrastinated. I thought there would be plenty of time. I waited too long.

Today, I decided to do the following things: (1) To make a list of all the people still living with whom I had unfinished business or had not communicated with in a timely way and to contact them as soon as possible. (2) To make a "Life List" - something I often suggest for my coaching clients but had not yet done for myself - a list of all the things, large and small, that I would like to do before I die. And then, to start doing them, with intention and passion.

As to item #1, I have already phoned and talked with two people on my unfinished business list; I still have several to go. It felt good to reach out and take that step.

Today, I began thinking more like a Buddhist. What if today were the last day of my life? What would be the most important thing I could do with my time today? What things would I absolutely not want to leave unfinished? Perhaps it wouldn't matter if my house wasn't clean or my office wasn't organized or I hadn't completed every business task I'd set out for myself or even if all my "papers" were in order. Perhaps what would be most important might be taking an early morning walk and saying hello to the ocean, or expressing the gratitude I feel to be living in such a beautiful spot on this earth, or phoning to wish a friend bon voyage on an upcoming trip, or phoning to express appreciation for the generosity of an ex-husband, or apologizing to a friend whose feelings I had inadvertantly hurt, or telling my son and daughter-in-law and granddaughter (and other dear ones in my life) that I love them with all my heart, or writing something from the heart, like this piece, that might inspire or support another person.

So, here's my bottom line: Live like you only had two days to spend with your beloved in Paris or live like this was your last day on earth, but above all, "live juicy", finish your unfinished business, DO IT (whatever "it" is) NOW, and Carpe Diem!

Letting Go Experiment: Month 16

The Letting-Go Experiment I started in June of 2006 is now in its sixteenth month. When I originally began this experiment, I intended it to go for a year. The idea was born out of a desire to visually de-clutter my home, and especially my office, and to prepare for an eventual move. I simply did not want to have to move any unnecessary or unwanted stuff to a new place. The move still has not happened, and this is a good thing, since I still have way more "stuff" than I need or want.

From the beginning, the Experiment was intended not only to apply to material things but also to non-material things, such as thoughts, beliefs, habits, behaviors, and the like. It also covers things in the realm between material and non-material, such as body weight and subscriptions of various kinds.

In the non-material realm, I am happy to report that I have released 26 pounds of body weight (so far), 3 subscriptions, and some non-productive thoughts and behaviors.

Of the 464 "things" I have released beginning June 10, 2006, approximately 90% fall in the material realm. This means that I have released from my possession approximately 418 items. Why then, do my rooms, drawers, cupboards, and closets seem as full, and sometimes as cluttered, as they did when I began the experiment? [And the answer is NOT that I replaced them with other things, because for the most part, I did not.]

The answer came to me recently while watching Wayne Dyer's newest PBS show, based on his book Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao. I heard him mention this statistic: The old 80/20 rule applies to our possessions in that we only use about 20% of the material things we own. The other 80% are superfluous. This statistic blew me away, and reinforced my desire to stay with this Letting-Go Experiment.

Chinese Feng Shui practitioners tell us that the excess stuff we have around us blocks the flow of chi (energy) through our homes and lives. It uses up space that we could use for new things (material and non-material) to come in. It distracts us from tasks we need to do and from contemplation and other inner work. Suddenly, I could see why backpacking and old-fashioned tent camping have such appeal, as does the old Japanese way of living in wood-and-paper houses with minimal necessities.

All this was brought home to me about a week ago, when at 5:30am I was jolted out of a deep sleep by the fire alarm going off in our condo-ized apartment building. I am on the top floor, and the fire escape routes aren't great, so I quickly put on some street clothes over my p.j.'s, frantically searched unsuccessfully for my cat (who had hidden behind a heavy bookcase where I could not reach her), then grabbed my keys and purse and headed downstairs and outside.

Fortunately, this was a false alarm. But in that space of time before knowing that there was no fire, I thought about all I might lose. And very little of it mattered. First and foremost, I was alive, and my life mattered the most. The other things still in my apartment that did matter to me were my cat, my computer and business records (the heart of my livelihood), and my photos (especially old ones of past generations of family and new ones of my son's recent wedding). I quickly realized that almost everything else could be replaced, and that this was an amazing experiment in letting go. Most of all, I realized that although I appreciate and enjoy many of my things, I am not overly attached to any of them. In some ways, starting over from scratch held some appeal, like starting a brand new painting on a blank canvas - an opportunity for something new to be created.

Since that day, I have decided that this Letting-Go Experiment is no longer a time-dated project, nor is it any longer an "experiment". It has become a way of life. And I will continue to release unnecessary or unwanted stuff from my life - material and non-material - until I am left with the approximately 20% of "stuff" that really does matter in my life.

If you could only keep 20% of your material possessions, what would you keep? Or, if you were exiting a burning building and could only bring with you what you could carry [excluding people, whom we will assume will also get out safely], what would you bring with you?

Food for thought.

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Although this blogsite is not set up to be interactive at this time, please feel free to email me with your comments:

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com

How Do CRAMPS Relate to Goal-Setting?

What is a Goal?

A Goal is the ongoing pursuit of a worthy objective until it is accomplished. [from The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Les Hewitt, 2000.]

In the world of goal-setting, it is important to understand how to create an effective goal, a goal in which Success is the end result.

In my previous blog (Mega-Goals, Mini-Goals, and Office Organization, July 23, 2007), I described a goal-setting method called Setting SMART Goals.

Let's review the SMART goals model and then explore a new one - the CRAMPS model.

The model of setting SMART goals has been used by coaches for many years now, and it incorporates many of the qualities of successful goal-setting. SMART goals are:

S = Specific

M = Measurable

A = Achievable

R = Realistic

T = Time-framed

The CRAMPS model is one that I developed a few years ago for my goal-setting workshops. This model incorporates all the qualities of SMART goals and adds a few more that refine the goal-setting process even more and build in an even higher probability for success. Although the CRAMPS acronym is not nearly as elegant or as sexy as the SMART one, it IS memorable, and that is what is important.

So, a CRAMPS goal is:

C = Clear (Specific. Simply and clearly stated. One concept at a time.)

R = Realistic (Is this a realistic goal for me?)

A = Attainable (At all? Within the specified time frame? Am I willing to do what it takes?)

M = Measurable (Usually includes numbers and measures; always time-related.)

P = Positive (Framed in positive language; states what you want, not what you don't want.)

S = Supported (By you and by selected other people and/or other resources.)

How could the CRAMPS model help you to set more effective goals in your work or personal life?

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Although this Blog site is not set up to be interactive at this time, feel free to contact me with your comments.

Email: connie@conniekomack.com
Web: www.conniekomack.com