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How do YOU define Courage? Do you define it as taking great physical or financial risks or performing heroic deeds in the face of possible injury, death, or financial disaster? Do you see courage as facing the enemy in battle, chasing down and arresting a criminal, rock climbing, shooting rapids, exploring jungles, skydiving, bungee jumping, climbing Mt. Everest, or making a risky investment on Wall Street? This is our cultural view of courage today. This is the masculine expression of courage.
In The Courage Code, by authors Megan Raphael and Jennifer Byron, we are introduced to some new examples of courage - a new code of courage - born of the feminine and exemplified by the stories of 44 women of courage.
These are stories of women who found their voice, learned to speak up even if their opinion was not shared by others, learned how to say "Yes" and "No" from their own truth, were able to walk away from abusive situations and say "no more", made choices to change their lives in ways that risked disapproval or worse, stopped living to please others and starting living from their own authentic truth. These are everyday stories of taking risks on many levels - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial - risks that may not make headlines but in their own ways took enormous amounts of courage.
In the Introduction, the authors state, "We're also introducing 44 women who are, as you are everyday, living courageously. They are challenged everyday to create a life of meaning and authenticity. They have discovered the power of seemingly small choices that create mammoth shifts in their lives and in their worlds."
I can relate to this, as I think of some of the choices I have made and the risks I have taken. I have taken very few physical - or masculine-type - risks, though I did once go gliding in an unpowered sailplane, which is perhaps the biggest physical risk I have taken. I have taken financial risks, most notably by starting and running two different entrepreneurial businesses from an undercapitalized place. I have taken professional risks, such as learning to speak professionally before audiences of all sizes (and going from paralyzing fear to absolute confidence and joy in these situations).
But most of my risks in life have been relational and emotional ones: the first time I asked a boy out (perhaps the scariest thing I ever did, at least it felt that way at the time), the decision to end a marriage which was good in many ways but which was starving each of us emotionally, the courage to stand up to a "friend" who did something very unkind, the risk of saying "Yes" to an unfamiliar and scary proposition, the risk of saying "No" to something that was not in my best interests, and more recently, taking the risk of traveling 3000 miles to have a "third date" with an old high school friend whom I haven't seen in 48 years or taking the risk of losing a very rare and treasured friendship by being authentic and telling my truth.
Though this book is written for and about women, there is much richness here for men as well. We all have aspects of both the feminine and the masculine within us. Each of these aspects, blended together - in one person or in a whole society - create a synergy that is greater than the sum of its parts. We will all grow as individuals and as a culture when we learn to own, embrace, and express the full range of the masculine and feminine within us. The brands of courage exemplified in the stories in this book are part of the whole picture, part of our humanity and wholeness. We are not looking at an "either/or" situation here, but a "both/and".
Stories and acts of courage come in all sizes and shapes, and all are there to be acknowledged and honored. It is time for the feminine codes of courage to take their rightful place in the fabric of our society. It is time for a more gentle revolution from within to help inform our political decisions and social welfare. An ancient Chinese proverb states, "Women hold up half the sky." We could say, by extension, that the feminine in each of us is as valuable a contribution to our society as is the masculine. It is time to bring this truth into being.
To order The Courage Code or to learn more about The Courage Project, visit www.courageproject.com or contact author Megan Raphael at megan@courageproject.com.
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I read your post on courage. Nicely done. Well written. Your opening sentence invites the reader to consider their definition of Courage. I am trying to do that. Courage is one of thousands of ephemeral words. It seems I must use some smoke and mirrors to create a definition. First I reach for a jar of judgment. Courage must be tempered by good judgment. Courage without good judgment would appeal to those inclined to play a few rounds of Russian roulette. We arrive at the decision point. We give the problem to our judgment evaluator. We get the answer in the gut. Maybe it takes the pleasant feeling of excitement. The verbal construction sounds like, "Go for it. I can do this." Or it feels sick like on the verge of throwing-up. The verbal construction sounds like, "Bad idea." Often times the mind simply finds other things to think about. Not everyone has good judgment. Some think about placing a big bet on a Red Seven and they become excited. They place the bet. Usually the casino takes their money. I don't suppose that anyone has consistently dependable judgment. We have all had the courage to do stupid things and the cowardice to not do things that proved to be smart. How do we know when that inner voice has the right answer and when our judgment is lying to us - when it's time for our rational evaluator to take charge? Can reason ever really take charge? I think that women often face a different situation than men. There are very few things that men are proscribed from doing. For women, courage often has to do with the breaking
of custom or a proscription of female behavior.
In the end, courage slips through my fingers like dry sand. In the end, perhaps we are, all of us, just doing what feels good. With hindsight we can say that some actions seem to turn out well. We had courage. And some actions are regrettable. We were stupid. Some inactions turn out well. We were cautious and prudent. Some inactions are regrettable. We were cowards.
So there is my two cents worth. Courage exists in the past only. I can determine today that I shall act, but only in some tomorrow will I understand that action as courage or stupidity.
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