Wanting What You Have

Are you someone who is happy with what you have? Or are you someone who is easily bored with what you have and is always wanting more?

I am a movie buff, and often I find valuable life lessons embedded in the movies. Take, for example, the 1994 film Love Affair - a remake of the classic film, An Affair to Remember. There is a line in this movie that blew me away at the time, and I have remembered it all these years.

In this film, wise and elderly great-aunt Ginny (played by screen legend Katherine Hepburn) to Warren Beatty's character Mike Gambril has a quiet moment with her great-nephew's latest love interest, Terry McKay, played by Annette Bening. As the two women talk about life and the life paths each has taken, great-aunt Ginny turns to Terry, and says, "You know, my dear, happiness lies not in having what we want, but in wanting what we have."

What a profound piece of advice for us all in this culture and in these times of rapid change - wanting what we already have, as opposed to constantly wanting what we don't have!

Think of this concept as it applies to both material things and to relationships:

First, material things: We in the United States live in an affluent and prosperous culture, even in this temporary economic slump. We are a culture driven by consumerism and by material and economic greed. We are pummeled by advertising that constantly promotes the newest and latest product and encourages us to throw away that "old" whatever - car, vacuum cleaner, mop, shampoo, TV, computer, phone, etc. - and replace it with the newest, hottest version (which is only new or hot for a very short time before something newer or hotter comes on the market).

We are now approaching a crisis of excess, in our own country and across the globe. Global population is expanding exponentially, and along with this, a demand for more and more "stuff". At the same time, our resources are dwindling. The current shortage of gas and other fossil fuel products is only one example. It is only a matter of a short time - a few decades, perhaps - before the size of the population world-wide will outstrip the available resources. What then?

If ever there were a time to cultivate an attitude of gratitude for all that we have, combined with a desire to live simply and to care for the possessions we do have so that they last as long as possible, this is that time!

And, as for relationships - which was the topic of this movie scene - we have also been living in a throw-away society in which we are taught to always be looking for the next best person to replace our current model. We seem to have lost the ability in relationships, as with things, to want what we have.

"Wanting what we have" means appreciating, respecting, valuing, prizing, nurturing, and maintaining what we have, and repairing what is broken whenever possible - whether we are speaking of the relationships in our lives or our material possessions. It means remembering why we brought them into our lives in the first place. It means putting in the time, care, and attention it takes to grow, maintain, or preserve what you have. It means focusing on what's working, rather than what's not working. And it means, in the words of that old Johnny Mercer song,

You've got to accentuate the positive,
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative, and
Don't mess with Mister In-Between.