Plan To Be Surprised

Last evening I saw a delightful movie - the newly released Dan in Real Life. Dan Burns (superbly played by Steve Carell) is a widower and the father of three girls, ages 8 to 17. He is also the writer of a "Dear Dan" - type newspaper column in which he dispenses advice on relationships and family life - advice he doesn't always heed himself. I'll forgo discussing the storyline so that you might have the pleasure of seeing it unfold for yourself. But this, I'll share. In this movie, there are some wonderful one-liners, and one that stood out for me was the very last line of the movie: Plan to be surprised.

As a Career/Life Coach, some of my work with clients is around planning. It's often about identifying your ideal life and/or career, then setting goals and designing a plan of action, and finally taking actions that will lead you to your goal(s). This is equivalent to setting a destination in sailing and then plotting a course for how you will get there, depending upon the wind direction, the chart of the waters, the tides and weather, and any other known obstacles or considerations. Or it's like choosing a travel destination for a vacation and then mapping out all the sights you plan to see while there or en route.

But as most boaters or travelers know, "stuff happens". The "best laid plans of mice and men" do go astray sometimes. What happens when Life throws you a curve? When something unexpected comes your way? And I'm not just talking about unpleasant surprises here, but also about pleasant surprises - wonderful surprises - surprises beyond, or different from, your wildest dreams. What then?

Take vacations, for example. Sometimes the best things that happen are the unplanned ones. Another movie comes to mind: Under the Tuscan Sun. If you have seen the movie or read the book, you know that Frances, the heroine, takes a tour of Tuscany, at the urging of her friends, in order to get over a painful divorce. But during a planned tour stop in a small village, Frances sees a flyer about a house for sale. She impulsively checks it out and her whole life changes - in good ways - in ways she couldn't have imagined when she began the tour or even when she bought the house.

I believe in visioning, goal-setting, and planning. I also believe in flexibility and in being open to the new possibilities that are presented to us at unexpected moments in life. In sailing, you must have a destination and must plot a course in order to have a direction and gain some momentum. However, as a sailor, you also know that any number of events could arise to throw you off course, and you need to be prepared for that. Sometimes you end up at a more desirable destination. Sometimes you're shipwrecked. Sometimes you're just stalled in the water for a while until you choose a new course.

So, for me, the approach I choose to take to Life and to coaching is paradoxical. My approach is to dream, to set goals, to plan, to follow your bliss and at the same time to pay attention, to live fully in the moment, and to allow your bliss to take you in unexpected directions. In other words: Plan to be surprised.